Monday, November 26, 2012

simple solutions to complex problems

WARNING SOME THINGS LISTED SHOULD NOT BE TRIED!! IM NOT AT FAULT FOR ANYTHING YOU DO!
simple solutions to complex problems:

1. Solving a labyrinth - climb up and over the top.
2. Finishing a race -
- turn around and go off the track and then get back on behind the finish line.
- have a friend drive you to the finish line, get out and cross.
3. Ending a chart based game - simply remove the chart.
4. Getting into areas that forbid open weapons - simply put the weapon in a satchel.
5. Getting out of a ticket-
- carry mase, when approached by cop spray in face and say you were trying to answer your phone.
- Drop a heavy object on the gas pedal and say you accidentally got the accelerator stuck down.
- Act like you fell asleep at the wheel and tell the cop that you fell asleep when you started the car.
- Carry a bunch of chinese finger traps (fill this one in yourself...)
- Strip down naked and say you lost your clothes.
- Carry a knife and if truly desperate cut yourself and blame the cop.
- Take your glasses and drop them on the floor. Tell cop you were trying to find them and couldnt tell the road from the sky.
- Say you were running from someone who was after you. Blame someone you hate.
- Carry shaving cream, spray everywhere.
- Say satan is chasing you.
- Say youre sick, induce vomiting if needed.
6. No choke collar to walk dog - wrap leash around dog like a harness.
7. Dont have time to tie shoes - tie laces around ankles.
8. Dont have a belt - carry lock and chain, chain front of pantts together.
9. Pants have no button - use safety pin.
10. Kid locks themselves in room - simply remove door.
11. No cups for drinks - grab empty soda or beer cans, use can opener to remove tops. Rinse and reuse, lather and repeat.
12. Need to go unseen on camera - wear a cap embedded with infared lights.
13. Cant wear hat? - Simply wear necklace embedded with lights.
14. Kill with no evidence (dont ask me why) - chop off head, arms, and legs. Take to different places and burn. Take weapon and keep with you or toss into large body of water at night. Dont forget hat and necklace.
15. No bandages or antiseptic for wounds - use mouthwash, beer, or wine to disinfect. Then rip up sock or shirt and use duct tape to patch.
16. Kill while you are not around (again dont ask why) - take medicine capsules and place pure potassium or sodium inside. Place in ice water and give to victim. Hours later, boom.
17. Car sinking or trapped underwater -
- carry co2 pistol (+500/600 psi minimum) in car fully loaded. Place point blank on window and fire.
- Use metal prongs on headrest to shatter window.
- take tire iron and schwack window
- carry a shit ton of antacids and hold breath
- carry REAL pistol, point directly at window, fire out as many windows as possible
18. Dog bites you and wont let go - bite dogs ear, HARD.
19. Cant beat elite four in pokemon black/white 1/2 - simply use cgear to trade while battling.
20. Car need repairs but no shop nearby - carry shit tons of duct tape.
21. Need more storage space - turn shelves into bins.
22. wanna make a homemade bomb (DO NOT MAKE A BOMB FOR GODS SAKE!) - dryer sheets, plastic squares that separate slices of cheese, dryer lint, black powder, lead airsoft pellets, non dairy coffee creamer, copper piping, slow burnin fuse, nitric acid, toilet paper, flash paper, gasoline, alcohol (as for how to put it all together; that i cannot tell.)
23. having trouble in pokemon black/black 2/white/white 2 catching pokemon - carry shit tons of pokeballs that ARE NOT poke balls, great balls, ultra balls, or master balls. then have a shit ton of the pokeballs i told you not to have. keep switching from one of the three basic balls to any other non basic ball and then back to one of the three basic balls. repeat about 4-8 times and critical capture will automatically activate. if you succeed then immediately switch to any but one of the three basic balls; the odds of progressive critical capture will drastically increase with each successful critical capture.

"i am but a lowly king, here to make sure my loyal subjects are happy and live fulfilled lives. to those who shun me or my ways, two walls to every door; my mind is made."  

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