the united states record for fighting wars that we personally started has really only one win. after the british left we pretty much lost EVERY war we ever started. even when we started a war with ourselves we STILL lost. like the civil war ended,
then we were like, "no! no rights for the people who we fought for!"
like in regards to us starting fights, we are like the kid at school picking fights with everyone he doesnt like.
then when someone fights back were like, "oh god no! no! dont touch me!"
then he drops his pants and runs circles while peeing.
when it comes to defending others we are a great nation to turn to. like we KICK ASS when it comes to other peoples safety. but when we start fights we keep fighting even when we are wrong for starting them. like everyone has left the schoolyard and gone home.
even the person we were fighting was like, "screw this, i gotta get home and piss."
and meanwhile we are throwing punches at ourselves alone in an empty lot like,
"oh, you think you can make fun of me? bitch i will kick your ass."
then, "man you punch like a fat kid with autism"
"man I AM a fat kid with autism!"
like we lost the fight and were still fucking stomping the crap out of our own nuts.
vietnam, bagdad, the cold war
even when the cold war and cuban missile crisis ended and nobody won we STILL made ourselves look like idiots.
like, "hey the nukes are falling! quick get under your desks! theyre made of adamantium and they will protect you from the power of 1000 suns!"
REALLY?! when the bomb comes the desk will be gone. if i were alive back then id be dropping my pants, walking in a circle, quacking like a duck, and peeing on the floor. like if there really IS a bomb who the hell will care what the hell people did during their final moments?
"oh a ticket? my car was towed? im fired? its raining? [sirens start blaring] well fuck me...might as well screw my hot neighbor and cross breed an octupus with a naked porcupine."
i just find it hilarious that ben carson, a notable and brilliant african american man. is going to be in a room with a bunch of white ass [insert chosen slang here...maybe "blanco de perro"] with clan support connections alone. and nobody there knows what the hell they are supposed to be doing.
if they ever have an emergency hes going to be like, "hey why yall locking the doors to the room and lowering the shades?"
and theyll be like, "dont you worry. we have something important to discuss with you."
and ben will be like, "you all dont know what the hell we are even supposed to be doing here. do you?"
and the president will be like, "hey, relax. we have russia handling all the united states problems. with a name like russia they have to be faster at doing things that are important."
then for no reason the koolade man crashes through the wall and mayor cheeseburger gets shot.
Tuesday, January 24, 2017
and now ladies and gentlemen [and non-specific genderless amorphos of all years] the 2017 inaugural preschool graduation [edit-05172018]-2256
guy one [watching cspan]: "hey cool! they got this new reality show about the president. its so funny, i cant wait to see what happens next!"
guy two: dude thats not a reality show. thats real life, its really happening.
guy one [walks into the other room].
guy two: hey esse where you goin man?
guy one [from the other room]: man imma motha f$%&in kill myself. maybe i get reincarnated into a world that aint a bunch a white ass crackas bein stupid.
[neighbor walks in]
neighbor: hey man, whats he doin in there?
guy two: oh, hey esse, he tryin to keel himself.
neighbor: what the hell for?
guy two: he tryin to get himself to a life where things make sense.
neighbor: oh thats great and all, but he aint doin it right.
guy two: what you mean chicano?
neighbor: well hes got a bag of doritos in one hand and a remote in the other. and hes on some site called "pornhub".
guy two: wait...whats the remote for?
neighbor: hell if i know, but im gettin my ass in there. i want some damn doritos.
[neighbor walks into the other room]
guy two [now watching cspan, trump playing patty cake with a toddler]: man screw this. i want some doritos, too.
guy two: dude thats not a reality show. thats real life, its really happening.
guy one [walks into the other room].
guy two: hey esse where you goin man?
guy one [from the other room]: man imma motha f$%&in kill myself. maybe i get reincarnated into a world that aint a bunch a white ass crackas bein stupid.
[neighbor walks in]
neighbor: hey man, whats he doin in there?
guy two: oh, hey esse, he tryin to keel himself.
neighbor: what the hell for?
guy two: he tryin to get himself to a life where things make sense.
neighbor: oh thats great and all, but he aint doin it right.
guy two: what you mean chicano?
neighbor: well hes got a bag of doritos in one hand and a remote in the other. and hes on some site called "pornhub".
guy two: wait...whats the remote for?
neighbor: hell if i know, but im gettin my ass in there. i want some damn doritos.
[neighbor walks into the other room]
guy two [now watching cspan, trump playing patty cake with a toddler]: man screw this. i want some doritos, too.
"doritos....the snack you reach for when the president finally goes to their preschool graduation. 'munch the crunch, punch the stunts, muncha-buncha-cruncha-trumpa-doritos!'"
[edit-05172018]-2256
you know...when i made this i had no idea... that they were going to make this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5iDw6lPjl4
i mean, what. the !@#$.
[edit-05172018]-2256
you know...when i made this i had no idea... that they were going to make this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5iDw6lPjl4
i mean, what. the !@#$.
Friday, January 13, 2017
computer madness [tech tips for the young, old, or cheap]
so i think its time i say a few pointers about technology here. things to remember BEFORE you try to modify your computers.
1. the bios section is accessed through one of the following keys: [f1 through f12, or further depending on your computer.] just tap each one twice soon after the computer turns on, but BEFORE it loads the os [operating system]. or read the screen to see what to press. if the "f" keys dont work immediately then watch the screen while tapping them. it should say what to press.
2. never, i repeat NEVER remove/uninstall the only drivers you have on the device. such as the sound drivers. unless you want an electronic finger puppet mime.
3. if you download the os from microsoft, dell, etc. know it is free because it is a PREVIEW BUILD. This means that you get to use it and test it but it will NOT have internet drivers installed.
4. NEVER remove ALL your internet programs unless you never want to see the world wide web again.
5. http stands for hyper text transmit/transfer protocol.
6. ALWAYS check referencing online what operating systems your device is eligible with. [if its a tablet or tablet hybrid it wont work with anything before windows 8].
7. in the bios menu you can change settings like "boot order", charging settings, usb settings, and most importantly you can set up the computer or tablet to CHARGE DEVICES PLUGGED IN even when the computer isnt plugged into a charger.
8. keylogging software is very useful for tracking activity on a computer. but if not used carefully or monitored right will fill up the hard drive FAST. NEVER set the keylogging software to run in the background without a means of physically opening it. if you do be sure to set up an external storage device to store any data. otherwise the keylogger will fill up the hard drive till it has no space. and attempts to access logged data may be impossible if you set up the data to be inaccesible by the user. dont bother removing or replacing the hard drive or even uninstalling the os. if you replace the drive it will just fill it up again and render it unusable. if you reinstall the os it will work, but only till the keylogger reclogs the drive. the only option in this case is the nuclear option [nuclear being just blowing up or destroying the computer. which in the case of an unfixable error that renders it a dead gimp, actually relieves a great amount of the stress it caused.]
9. audio drivers must be updated MANUALLY through the control panel "audio devices" settings. you must enable editing of the driver before proceeding.
10. external disc drives can always be used to install the os, given that it can be run by your device.
11. virus protection is NOT included nor is it free. you need antivirus, trojan, and malware protection. i suggest (*1)malwarebytes anti malware, (*2)norton antivirus, (*3)"the cleaner" from moosoft [cant really verify that one, or keep the antivirus program that comes with the new computer [which is really a pos].
12. microsoft office license keys can only be used once. if your device crashes or breaks you will need to call customer service to deactivate the key and device it was used on.
13. phone insurance plans, while convenient, are actually rather pointless. (*4)the deductible is huge [up to 1000 dollars at times], and anything besides the device breaking completely, the screen totally smashing, the display frying, or being lost or stolen; you will have to pay out the butt for repairs. local repair centers often charge less. [or in the case your phone battery explodes like a deprived rabbit in a bunny adoption center, the entire company plus some poor terminal floor carpeting business pay out the- well you read that already below.
14. never try to screw with the bluetooth drivers, they are the most common cause of corruption in a windows os.
15. you know that silverlight thing in your list of programs? NEVER remove that.
16. ctrl, alt, delete/backspace one after another sequentially will give you the option of opening the task manager. using the task manager you can check what programs are running [and in the details section see what is taking the most memory].
17. in relation to^, you ever have those annoying pos pop up things while browsing the internet? the ones that say "your computer has been found using illegal activity and all contents are being reported to the fbi" or something like that? then you cant close it for some reason and you have to turn off the computer, losing all that hard work on social media wondering whether kim k. is really just a pile of excess lipo fat given sentience by some unholy thing? well dont shut off the computer. use ctrl[control], alt, delete/backspace in sequential order [one after another holding down the last key you typed]. open the task manager. then close the internet browser running that bitchin bitch ass pop up. if you dont want to lose your work use (*5)google chrome, it saves your browsing history. but if you do use chrome, be warned as that popup will just keep showing up if you restore your previous session.
18. firefox is a good internet program as is internet explorer [edge browser], however firefox is renowned as a company that was so anti lgbtqp that they publicly stated outcry against them. [now everyone is entitled to their own opinion, with any opinion stated where facts disavow it. and people should be allowed to believe what they wish. opression is a bad thing whether opressin good or bad. i dont condone what firefox does but i wont deprive them the right to express it. and edge is annoying as it doesnt allow integration of certain apps and addons.
19. want a text program that works on phones and computers that can be accesed anywhere? (*6)inkpadnotepad. you can create unlimited notes and text files and sync them through any mobile device or computer. its free, and even allows the change of list types and order. remember to turn off auto sync in the settings before you use as you get a limited number of syncs per day.
20. check your computer to see whether it runs 64bit or 32bit os before installing or buying an operating system for it. or not. if you install 32bit on 64bit its fun to watch the device blow up [figuratively]. some devices CAN run the opposite os [such as the venue 11 pro], but only under certain conditions.
21. click "prevent this page from creating further dialogues" to prevent pop up sites from repeatedly refusing to go down [giggidy]
22. in the bios settings of a computer you can choose to bypass a computer password if you cant... errr... lets say REMEMBER... yeah lets use THAT as an excuse for why someone would do THIS. cause really theres only two reasons why you would: either you forgot the password... or someones about to do something they really shouldnt be doing at this time. or this location. or this day, or this era. ooor this "website" persay.
23. when your computer says "dont turn off the computer" DONT TURN OFF THE FUCKING COMPUTER.
24. boot loop can often be bypassed through the bios menu.
25. if you change the desktop background on a computer being used on multiple devices through a single precisely same account it will change on EVERY device currently in use under that account. useful for: sending secret messages, playing chess or hangman [tic tac toe, etc.], sending fun art made on the computer, playing the "word game" [one person types a letter, signs, then sends the image so the next person can add a letter or word.], the one word story game [same as the "word game" only instead of letters you add one word at a time to make a f*!#ed up story], or to screw with someone using the other computer [via xxxxxxxxx].
25. microsoft word documents can only be opened in microsoft word. to save them in a format that can be used freely till you get access to word again use the "notepad" program standard with every computer. or use inkpad.
26. when you delete a file, folder, or thing off a computer, external drive, or even mobile device it is not actually "deleted". even if you wipe the device. programs like: norton [yes thats right, norton also has file recovery software built in], (*7)yodot file recovery software, and a program simply called "(*8)recovery" can all allow you to find any files accidentally [or intentionally deleted]. no matter how long ago they WERE deleted. just dont create a similar folder, remember in recovery tiote!
27. the best program [free] for cleaning up disk space is (*9)ccleaner. it can remove all kinds of files that can take up space on a device. never click the last set of cleaning options [unless you know what you are removing], with "previous windows installation" being an exception. only remove that previous windows version if you dont want to revert back.
28. a good video player is (*10)vlcplayer. however recent updates resulted in a debuff to the audio amplifier. reducing it to only 125% [200% originally]. they say that the new 125% is the same as the maxed out 200% [which is total bull].
29. (*11)internet download manager is one of the best programs to legally download video, audio, and general things from online. it is only free for 30 days, after which you must buy a license. the license is only about 24.95 for one lifetime use on a single computer. or 20 dollars for more than one [20 per computer]. (*12)theres a glitch in the programming of old versions of idm but they patched it out.
30. for anyone who games there are emulators out there. emulators allow you to run and play things called "roms" so you can relive those old fun games you used to enjoy free of charge. talking about emulators is legal [contrary to what everyone says]. anything about roms is NOT. so even if you ask i wont tell you anything. unless you meet me in person. also contrary to belief is cheat codes are NOT illegal. unless you wire a lag switch into your console [if you do your a terrible person if you use it in online play. and sony, microsoft, and/or steam will permanently ban your account, rightfully so.]
good emulators for (*13)microsoft are: vba: gameboy advance down to gameboy color, dolphin: gamecube and wii, pcsx2: playstation 2, epsxe: playstation 1
in the case of android i highly (*14)suggest: classicboy emulator [everything up to ps1], drastic nintendo ds emulator, epsxe [playstation], myboy [gba], mega64 [nintendo 64], ppsspp [psp].
31. there are things called (*15)"rom hacks" that are basically free versions of the super mario maker games. only the people who make them are insane dicks, and the people who play them are hilarious.
32. if you want a good program to conserve battery life on mobile devices try battery doctor.
33. when setting up a new mobile device or laptop be sure to run through every setting from top to bottom so as to conserve batter life.
34. on android devices be sure to close all open programs often as they can slow down the devices. [often found via holding down the home button.]
35. apple devices can also close open programs via holding down the center button at the bottom of the screen.
36. all phones and computers can be tracked through gps. regardless of whether its on or the battery is charged. your microphone and camera can also be activated remotely through the same method. whats more is your personal data can be stolen via nfc. the only way to stop this is to remove the battery. [perhaps the reason they got rid of removable batteries is to prevent this?]
37. chip readers on phones and in cards can actually have info stolen if the other person has one of the readers that were made for such purposes.
38. those rfid chips that are on products in stores [the ones that look like a flattened butter dish, white, and stuck in the bottom that set off the alarms] can actually be tracked via radio frequency scanners.
39. conversations can be recorded via vibrations through glass [think cans on string]
40. the self checkout isles that use weighted scales have a glitch sometimes [where if you place an item after scanning, scan another item then place it, then remove the items and place them in bags]. the scanner then misreads the weight and requires you to remove the last item scanned. you can remove ALL the bags and items currently on the item table and the checkout scanner wont know that you did this. someone could place something without an rfid tag in a bag on the scale and then continue scanning. this method can be repeated again and again in order. if someone took advantage of this they could theoretically steal things that were untagged and the alarm would NEVER go off. causing stores to lose profits and goods. [i swear if i find out you did this i will find out what state you live in and send a glitter bomb to your home and call the cops. its not ok to steal, unless to prove a hilarious point about the sheer stupidity and ignorance of a jackass cheap store.]
41. data transfer is faster when you move files directly from a drive.
42. device screen size is measured via diagonal hypotenuse.
43. wifi uses more battery than data alone.
44. twc while cheaper has shittier service than at&t and direct tv has bad installers. [they tried to break holes in my walls, knocked over expensive things, and halfway through the workers son broke in and walked into my home uninvited and struck up an argument with his father. asking if he could drive the truck later if he found a date. "you aint ever gonna get a damn date" was the dads response. great service!
45. windows 10 has many many negative reviews. it is also responsible for about 7 of my computers breaking.
46. before paying a geek squad representative or tech assistant agent to help fix your devices be sure to google [or rather bing cause i hate google] everything you can including: error codes, messages, file names, and direct quoted versions of the issues you are having. often times issues can be resolved without paying greedy tech support assistants.
47. less ram means less power and speed for a device.
48. if your os stops working before you can get your files off you will NEVER get them back.
49. (*16)carbonite is a better online storage service the the cloud [which is just a big friggin tower just waiting to fall if you ask me. have we learned nothing from the great depression?]
50. never stream live radio. iheartradio, pandora internet radio, and tunein radio all offer free radio service.
51. there is a program called (*17)extreme picture finder. it is the best program for picture searching. if you need photos for a school project or are just bored and want something to do just use extreme picture finder. very simple and easy, but BEWARE as it has a tendency to occaisionally download files mixed with viruses. so use at your own risk and always ALWAYS use a virus protection program.
52. for a better computer and no need for virus protection just get a mac. apple computers and mobile devices have better protection from viruses and hacking. apple mobile devices also have waaaaay more badass sound quality than android devices.
53. use your music player, ANY music player. type in the name of a song or a single letter. hit play. turn on shuffle. hit the "next song" button. repeat. repeat. repeat. now go to the mobile device and media player designers and complain. tell them "fucking fix the search and shuffle issue so that it shuffles to a random song in your list of songs, instead of THIS friggin thing."
(*1) - malwarebytes antimalware official website link here: https://www.malwarebytes.com/
(*2) - norton antivirus homepage link here: https://us.norton.com/ [norton is, in my opinion, the BEST antivirus software out there. great user interface, incredible protection, and subscriptions last a year and can be used on multiple devices. plus the their online user interface is honestly VERY easy to use. you can deactivate any device you no longer use to free a subscription.]
(*3) - "The Cleaner was created in response to the Back Orifice trojan. It was claimed by the authors of this trojan that it was unstoppable and undetectable." i just thought that was hilarious. "the 'black orifice' ;trojan' is unstoppable and undetecable"...well thats interesting to know.
(*4) - the deductible is what you must pay yourself out of pocket before the subscriber [you would be the subscribee] will pay anything. [high deductible=you pay out the ass, low deductible=THEY pay out the ass, NO deductible=everyone BUT you pays out the ass, mouth, ears, eyes, nose, and any other orificees conceivable by the megaverse.]
(*5) - google chrome is an internet browser that is available to run on any windows computer, any android device, any apple device, and even some game consoles. it shares your favorites across ANY device its synced and installed. it also can run usefull addons and popup blockers.
(*6) - inkpad notepad is an app and a website run through gmail. found here: http://www.inkpadnotepad.com/
(*7) - yodot file recovery software can be found here: http://www.yodot.com/
(*8) - the program "recovery" is a hard to find program that allows the recovery of files that have been deleted, including entire folders. it is free, however buggy, and must be run as an administrator. recovery is one item at a time and by name and search only. other revocery programs cost money.
(*9) - ccleaner can be found here: https://www.piriform.com/CCLEANER
(*10) - vlcplayer can be found here: http://www.videolan.org/vlc/
(*11) - idm can be found here: http://internetdownloadmanager.com/ the page to buy can be found here: https://secure.internetdownloadmanager.com/buy_idm.html
(*12) - nope. will not go into this one. e-mail me for more info. this one is a secret. and like all secrets has certain "qualifications" before i will reveal it.
(*13) - epsxe, pcsx2, and dolphin really only function well on more powerful computers. also they all require extra files to run correctly. i can e-mail the files if needed. for dolphin i can send a zipped archive of my own personal settings which have already been optimized for maximum use. or feel free to modify them to your own wants and/or needs.
(*14) - info on the android emulators can be found here: http://www.androidauthority.com/immortal-conquest-742856/ [be warned as they cost money to use on android devices].
(*15) - check out the following youtube members for their videos:
proton jon:
[https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCk1Fo1TfTOFWRhffJGvDSUg]
tehmorag [funny videos and playthroughs]:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvJIVzMnPTB266R0EgM2OLw
azureblade49:
https://www.youtube.com/user/AzureBlade49
icrangirl:
https://www.youtube.com/user/icrangirl
egoraptor [this guy is HILARIOUS]:
https://www.youtube.com/user/egoraptor
1. the bios section is accessed through one of the following keys: [f1 through f12, or further depending on your computer.] just tap each one twice soon after the computer turns on, but BEFORE it loads the os [operating system]. or read the screen to see what to press. if the "f" keys dont work immediately then watch the screen while tapping them. it should say what to press.
2. never, i repeat NEVER remove/uninstall the only drivers you have on the device. such as the sound drivers. unless you want an electronic finger puppet mime.
3. if you download the os from microsoft, dell, etc. know it is free because it is a PREVIEW BUILD. This means that you get to use it and test it but it will NOT have internet drivers installed.
4. NEVER remove ALL your internet programs unless you never want to see the world wide web again.
5. http stands for hyper text transmit/transfer protocol.
6. ALWAYS check referencing online what operating systems your device is eligible with. [if its a tablet or tablet hybrid it wont work with anything before windows 8].
7. in the bios menu you can change settings like "boot order", charging settings, usb settings, and most importantly you can set up the computer or tablet to CHARGE DEVICES PLUGGED IN even when the computer isnt plugged into a charger.
8. keylogging software is very useful for tracking activity on a computer. but if not used carefully or monitored right will fill up the hard drive FAST. NEVER set the keylogging software to run in the background without a means of physically opening it. if you do be sure to set up an external storage device to store any data. otherwise the keylogger will fill up the hard drive till it has no space. and attempts to access logged data may be impossible if you set up the data to be inaccesible by the user. dont bother removing or replacing the hard drive or even uninstalling the os. if you replace the drive it will just fill it up again and render it unusable. if you reinstall the os it will work, but only till the keylogger reclogs the drive. the only option in this case is the nuclear option [nuclear being just blowing up or destroying the computer. which in the case of an unfixable error that renders it a dead gimp, actually relieves a great amount of the stress it caused.]
9. audio drivers must be updated MANUALLY through the control panel "audio devices" settings. you must enable editing of the driver before proceeding.
10. external disc drives can always be used to install the os, given that it can be run by your device.
11. virus protection is NOT included nor is it free. you need antivirus, trojan, and malware protection. i suggest (*1)malwarebytes anti malware, (*2)norton antivirus, (*3)"the cleaner" from moosoft [cant really verify that one, or keep the antivirus program that comes with the new computer [which is really a pos].
12. microsoft office license keys can only be used once. if your device crashes or breaks you will need to call customer service to deactivate the key and device it was used on.
13. phone insurance plans, while convenient, are actually rather pointless. (*4)the deductible is huge [up to 1000 dollars at times], and anything besides the device breaking completely, the screen totally smashing, the display frying, or being lost or stolen; you will have to pay out the butt for repairs. local repair centers often charge less. [or in the case your phone battery explodes like a deprived rabbit in a bunny adoption center, the entire company plus some poor terminal floor carpeting business pay out the- well you read that already below.
14. never try to screw with the bluetooth drivers, they are the most common cause of corruption in a windows os.
15. you know that silverlight thing in your list of programs? NEVER remove that.
16. ctrl, alt, delete/backspace one after another sequentially will give you the option of opening the task manager. using the task manager you can check what programs are running [and in the details section see what is taking the most memory].
17. in relation to^, you ever have those annoying pos pop up things while browsing the internet? the ones that say "your computer has been found using illegal activity and all contents are being reported to the fbi" or something like that? then you cant close it for some reason and you have to turn off the computer, losing all that hard work on social media wondering whether kim k. is really just a pile of excess lipo fat given sentience by some unholy thing? well dont shut off the computer. use ctrl[control], alt, delete/backspace in sequential order [one after another holding down the last key you typed]. open the task manager. then close the internet browser running that bitchin bitch ass pop up. if you dont want to lose your work use (*5)google chrome, it saves your browsing history. but if you do use chrome, be warned as that popup will just keep showing up if you restore your previous session.
18. firefox is a good internet program as is internet explorer [edge browser], however firefox is renowned as a company that was so anti lgbtqp that they publicly stated outcry against them. [now everyone is entitled to their own opinion, with any opinion stated where facts disavow it. and people should be allowed to believe what they wish. opression is a bad thing whether opressin good or bad. i dont condone what firefox does but i wont deprive them the right to express it. and edge is annoying as it doesnt allow integration of certain apps and addons.
19. want a text program that works on phones and computers that can be accesed anywhere? (*6)inkpadnotepad. you can create unlimited notes and text files and sync them through any mobile device or computer. its free, and even allows the change of list types and order. remember to turn off auto sync in the settings before you use as you get a limited number of syncs per day.
20. check your computer to see whether it runs 64bit or 32bit os before installing or buying an operating system for it. or not. if you install 32bit on 64bit its fun to watch the device blow up [figuratively]. some devices CAN run the opposite os [such as the venue 11 pro], but only under certain conditions.
21. click "prevent this page from creating further dialogues" to prevent pop up sites from repeatedly refusing to go down [giggidy]
22. in the bios settings of a computer you can choose to bypass a computer password if you cant... errr... lets say REMEMBER... yeah lets use THAT as an excuse for why someone would do THIS. cause really theres only two reasons why you would: either you forgot the password... or someones about to do something they really shouldnt be doing at this time. or this location. or this day, or this era. ooor this "website" persay.
23. when your computer says "dont turn off the computer" DONT TURN OFF THE FUCKING COMPUTER.
24. boot loop can often be bypassed through the bios menu.
25. if you change the desktop background on a computer being used on multiple devices through a single precisely same account it will change on EVERY device currently in use under that account. useful for: sending secret messages, playing chess or hangman [tic tac toe, etc.], sending fun art made on the computer, playing the "word game" [one person types a letter, signs, then sends the image so the next person can add a letter or word.], the one word story game [same as the "word game" only instead of letters you add one word at a time to make a f*!#ed up story], or to screw with someone using the other computer [via xxxxxxxxx].
25. microsoft word documents can only be opened in microsoft word. to save them in a format that can be used freely till you get access to word again use the "notepad" program standard with every computer. or use inkpad.
26. when you delete a file, folder, or thing off a computer, external drive, or even mobile device it is not actually "deleted". even if you wipe the device. programs like: norton [yes thats right, norton also has file recovery software built in], (*7)yodot file recovery software, and a program simply called "(*8)recovery" can all allow you to find any files accidentally [or intentionally deleted]. no matter how long ago they WERE deleted. just dont create a similar folder, remember in recovery tiote!
27. the best program [free] for cleaning up disk space is (*9)ccleaner. it can remove all kinds of files that can take up space on a device. never click the last set of cleaning options [unless you know what you are removing], with "previous windows installation" being an exception. only remove that previous windows version if you dont want to revert back.
28. a good video player is (*10)vlcplayer. however recent updates resulted in a debuff to the audio amplifier. reducing it to only 125% [200% originally]. they say that the new 125% is the same as the maxed out 200% [which is total bull].
29. (*11)internet download manager is one of the best programs to legally download video, audio, and general things from online. it is only free for 30 days, after which you must buy a license. the license is only about 24.95 for one lifetime use on a single computer. or 20 dollars for more than one [20 per computer]. (*12)theres a glitch in the programming of old versions of idm but they patched it out.
30. for anyone who games there are emulators out there. emulators allow you to run and play things called "roms" so you can relive those old fun games you used to enjoy free of charge. talking about emulators is legal [contrary to what everyone says]. anything about roms is NOT. so even if you ask i wont tell you anything. unless you meet me in person. also contrary to belief is cheat codes are NOT illegal. unless you wire a lag switch into your console [if you do your a terrible person if you use it in online play. and sony, microsoft, and/or steam will permanently ban your account, rightfully so.]
good emulators for (*13)microsoft are: vba: gameboy advance down to gameboy color, dolphin: gamecube and wii, pcsx2: playstation 2, epsxe: playstation 1
in the case of android i highly (*14)suggest: classicboy emulator [everything up to ps1], drastic nintendo ds emulator, epsxe [playstation], myboy [gba], mega64 [nintendo 64], ppsspp [psp].
31. there are things called (*15)"rom hacks" that are basically free versions of the super mario maker games. only the people who make them are insane dicks, and the people who play them are hilarious.
32. if you want a good program to conserve battery life on mobile devices try battery doctor.
33. when setting up a new mobile device or laptop be sure to run through every setting from top to bottom so as to conserve batter life.
34. on android devices be sure to close all open programs often as they can slow down the devices. [often found via holding down the home button.]
35. apple devices can also close open programs via holding down the center button at the bottom of the screen.
36. all phones and computers can be tracked through gps. regardless of whether its on or the battery is charged. your microphone and camera can also be activated remotely through the same method. whats more is your personal data can be stolen via nfc. the only way to stop this is to remove the battery. [perhaps the reason they got rid of removable batteries is to prevent this?]
37. chip readers on phones and in cards can actually have info stolen if the other person has one of the readers that were made for such purposes.
38. those rfid chips that are on products in stores [the ones that look like a flattened butter dish, white, and stuck in the bottom that set off the alarms] can actually be tracked via radio frequency scanners.
39. conversations can be recorded via vibrations through glass [think cans on string]
40. the self checkout isles that use weighted scales have a glitch sometimes [where if you place an item after scanning, scan another item then place it, then remove the items and place them in bags]. the scanner then misreads the weight and requires you to remove the last item scanned. you can remove ALL the bags and items currently on the item table and the checkout scanner wont know that you did this. someone could place something without an rfid tag in a bag on the scale and then continue scanning. this method can be repeated again and again in order. if someone took advantage of this they could theoretically steal things that were untagged and the alarm would NEVER go off. causing stores to lose profits and goods. [i swear if i find out you did this i will find out what state you live in and send a glitter bomb to your home and call the cops. its not ok to steal, unless to prove a hilarious point about the sheer stupidity and ignorance of a jackass cheap store.]
41. data transfer is faster when you move files directly from a drive.
42. device screen size is measured via diagonal hypotenuse.
43. wifi uses more battery than data alone.
44. twc while cheaper has shittier service than at&t and direct tv has bad installers. [they tried to break holes in my walls, knocked over expensive things, and halfway through the workers son broke in and walked into my home uninvited and struck up an argument with his father. asking if he could drive the truck later if he found a date. "you aint ever gonna get a damn date" was the dads response. great service!
45. windows 10 has many many negative reviews. it is also responsible for about 7 of my computers breaking.
46. before paying a geek squad representative or tech assistant agent to help fix your devices be sure to google [or rather bing cause i hate google] everything you can including: error codes, messages, file names, and direct quoted versions of the issues you are having. often times issues can be resolved without paying greedy tech support assistants.
47. less ram means less power and speed for a device.
48. if your os stops working before you can get your files off you will NEVER get them back.
49. (*16)carbonite is a better online storage service the the cloud [which is just a big friggin tower just waiting to fall if you ask me. have we learned nothing from the great depression?]
50. never stream live radio. iheartradio, pandora internet radio, and tunein radio all offer free radio service.
51. there is a program called (*17)extreme picture finder. it is the best program for picture searching. if you need photos for a school project or are just bored and want something to do just use extreme picture finder. very simple and easy, but BEWARE as it has a tendency to occaisionally download files mixed with viruses. so use at your own risk and always ALWAYS use a virus protection program.
52. for a better computer and no need for virus protection just get a mac. apple computers and mobile devices have better protection from viruses and hacking. apple mobile devices also have waaaaay more badass sound quality than android devices.
53. use your music player, ANY music player. type in the name of a song or a single letter. hit play. turn on shuffle. hit the "next song" button. repeat. repeat. repeat. now go to the mobile device and media player designers and complain. tell them "fucking fix the search and shuffle issue so that it shuffles to a random song in your list of songs, instead of THIS friggin thing."
(*1) - malwarebytes antimalware official website link here: https://www.malwarebytes.com/
(*2) - norton antivirus homepage link here: https://us.norton.com/ [norton is, in my opinion, the BEST antivirus software out there. great user interface, incredible protection, and subscriptions last a year and can be used on multiple devices. plus the their online user interface is honestly VERY easy to use. you can deactivate any device you no longer use to free a subscription.]
(*3) - "The Cleaner was created in response to the Back Orifice trojan. It was claimed by the authors of this trojan that it was unstoppable and undetectable." i just thought that was hilarious. "the 'black orifice' ;trojan' is unstoppable and undetecable"...well thats interesting to know.
(*4) - the deductible is what you must pay yourself out of pocket before the subscriber [you would be the subscribee] will pay anything. [high deductible=you pay out the ass, low deductible=THEY pay out the ass, NO deductible=everyone BUT you pays out the ass, mouth, ears, eyes, nose, and any other orificees conceivable by the megaverse.]
(*5) - google chrome is an internet browser that is available to run on any windows computer, any android device, any apple device, and even some game consoles. it shares your favorites across ANY device its synced and installed. it also can run usefull addons and popup blockers.
(*6) - inkpad notepad is an app and a website run through gmail. found here: http://www.inkpadnotepad.com/
(*7) - yodot file recovery software can be found here: http://www.yodot.com/
(*8) - the program "recovery" is a hard to find program that allows the recovery of files that have been deleted, including entire folders. it is free, however buggy, and must be run as an administrator. recovery is one item at a time and by name and search only. other revocery programs cost money.
(*9) - ccleaner can be found here: https://www.piriform.com/CCLEANER
(*10) - vlcplayer can be found here: http://www.videolan.org/vlc/
(*11) - idm can be found here: http://internetdownloadmanager.com/ the page to buy can be found here: https://secure.internetdownloadmanager.com/buy_idm.html
(*12) - nope. will not go into this one. e-mail me for more info. this one is a secret. and like all secrets has certain "qualifications" before i will reveal it.
(*13) - epsxe, pcsx2, and dolphin really only function well on more powerful computers. also they all require extra files to run correctly. i can e-mail the files if needed. for dolphin i can send a zipped archive of my own personal settings which have already been optimized for maximum use. or feel free to modify them to your own wants and/or needs.
(*14) - info on the android emulators can be found here: http://www.androidauthority.com/immortal-conquest-742856/ [be warned as they cost money to use on android devices].
(*15) - check out the following youtube members for their videos:
proton jon:
[https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCk1Fo1TfTOFWRhffJGvDSUg]
tehmorag [funny videos and playthroughs]:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvJIVzMnPTB266R0EgM2OLw
azureblade49:
https://www.youtube.com/user/AzureBlade49
icrangirl:
https://www.youtube.com/user/icrangirl
egoraptor [this guy is HILARIOUS]:
https://www.youtube.com/user/egoraptor
(*16) - carbonite can be found here: https://www.carbonite.com/
(*17) - extreme picture finder can be found here: http://www.exisoftware.com/
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