from the eyes of a roach
episode 7:
Psychosocial Behavior: Dating and Relationships Part 2: The Single Life
dating part 2
By: Sam Pernicano
In part one I discussed dating and
relationships and why break ups happen.
Now I am going to talk about something that affects a lot of us,
including myself, the single life.
After a break up you can feel like
the world has come crashing down on top of your head. It can feel like all the ground around you
has fallen away and there is nowhere left to walk. This is the single life, the life that very
few of us on earth (with the exception of some Tibetan monks) do not want to
live with for all our lives.
We as human beings are in constant
search of love. We look high and low,
but sometimes we do not find it. Some
people go their whole lives without love and die a hollow shell, empty and
bleak. We all long to feel loved; it is
human nature that drives it so.
The single life can be very harsh
at times and can sometimes bring great emotional pain. I should know, I have been single for some
time now and it is not fun. I am going
to do my best to explain the concept of dating to people that have either never
dated, have just broken up, or are just looking for mister or misses right.
Think back at the dawn of
mankind. Ever since man first walked the
earth, he longed to have a partner at his side.
Someone to share his food, his home, and to have kids with. Even back then, it was considered shameful
for a man to not have a partner. If a
man did not have a partner, he was considered inferior.
As time progressed, we developed
new ideas about men and women. Once
society reached the industrial revolution, we were at our peak. Men were supposed to go out and work while
women stayed home. Women were marrying
at the age of about 16 and having kids soon after.
Remember how I gave props to the
women’s rights movement in part one? Well when the women’s rights movement
occurred, this is when the single life began to occur. Women began to go to school and get
educations. Women were given equal
rights as men. This was also the point
that divorces began to start happening.
Before this time, divorces weren’t even heard of. Divorces lead to multiple men and women
splitting up and therefore creating the first batch of single people in the
history of the US (that is technical history not recorded history, don’t look
it up).
Equal rights between women and men
also led to a woman’s word being just as important as a mans. Before the woman’s rights movement, not many
people cared what a woman had to say. A
woman could go to the town mayor with proof of acts of terrorism or possession
of nuclear arms and nobody would care.
Today women and men have equal
power in word. However, police will
believe a woman’s assault story before they will believe a mans. My opinion is because 1. Women get hurt more,
2. Men lie A LOT, 3. Women can put emotions into just about ANY story to make
it sound true, and 4. Men are aggressive by nature.
At present day, if you think you
are sad being single here in America, just be glad that you don’t live in china. They have a gross overpopulation of boys to
the point that there may not be enough girls to go around. If you were single over there then you would
really be in deep. Its good to be in
America isn’t it?
The single life is hard and I have
been stumped on why it is so hard to get a date when you are a single guy. So I spent some time studying human beings,
how they interacted with each other and their environments, and each
other. This gave me the basic insight I
needed to know to answer this question.
Now I have a new question for you, why is it so hard to get a date when
you are a single GUY?
After studying human nature for a
short time I discovered the simplicity to the dating scenario. To be a single girl is actually quite a bit
easier than to be a single guy. Why you
ask? Well let me ask you this? Have you ever heard of gender stereotypes? I’m
not talking about the, “guys like sports, girls like dolls”, no, I'm talking
about the gender stereotypes of the social rules of dating. Have you ever though about those for a
second? Well let me list them below.
Males: ask the girl out first, be
the first to kiss her before the fourth date, keep your chest out, hold our
stomach in, don’t burp, don’t flat late, don’t make any obscene comments, pull
out her chair for her, always listen to her, let her speak first, always take
her home and make sure she gets inside safe.
Females: wait till the boy asks you
out first, wait till he kisses you first to kiss back, keep your body poised
properly and firmly, brush your hair, wear lipstick and makeup, do not speak
until you are spoken to, be on your best behavior.
In think there may be more, but
these were created at the dawn of the country.
Please look at the first two on the female and male list: ask the girl
out first, be the first to kiss her before the fourth date (male), and, wait
till the boy asks you out first, wait till he kisses you first to kiss back
(female). Why do I want you to look at
these two? Because in these two socio-gender expectations lies the problem that
results in most single relationships.
Girls, a guy may like you quite a
bit, but he might be scared to ask you out or talk to you for many
reasons. He might think that you are not
single, that you may not like him, or he may just be nervous. Girls, you can be the lifesaver in this
struggle that we have with single relationships. If you like a guy and you are interested in
him, go up and talk to him. Who knows,
he could end up being mister right. If
he’s not interested then don’t be heartbroken, just keep moving on to other
guys till you find someone.
Guys, I know it’s hard to ask a
girl out, but sometimes its got to be done.
The issue is that usually a girl is more likely to already be taken than
a guy. I should know, I have been talking
to girls for a while and I can’t find one single, single girl, but I have found
a lot of single guys. Where are all the
single girls? Mars? Venus? Canada? Seriously girls, make a move, us guys will
appreciate it.
In summary, the single life can be
hard, but given a switch in the operation of gender expectations we may be able
to overcome at least some of our single lives.
It does suck having mass knowledge and having no one to share it with.
Imagine being the richest man in
the world, you have everything. Money,
power, people, they are all at your command.
You love being rich and powerful.
On the other hand, you have a brother who is an average guy who is in
love with this very attractive red haired, blue-eyed girl. Your brother invites you to his wedding and
you go and see how in love he is with his fiancé and how happy he is.
After the wedding you go back to
your home and contemplate why your brother was so happy. You begin to look back on your life and the
accomplishments you have made. World
power, world money, world people, you own everything, but you have nobody to
share it with. You begin to use your
money to buy other peoples love, but it’s just not the same as what you saw
your brother feeling. One day you meet a
woman that you fall in love with and begin dating, but before you get the
chance to propose you have a heart attack.
On your death bed you tell your brother that you are giving him
everything you have and that the only thing you regret is that you owned
everything but you had no one to share it with till the very end, and by then,
it was too late. Then you close your
eyes and you fall into eternal sleep.
Moral of the story: being single is not a fun thing,
it is emotionally nerve wracking, and long term exposure to it can cause
psychological damage to the brain
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