the basics of a formal complaint, one that gets attention and garners respect from the business you complain to and also results in actions taken or compensatory goods, is simple.
1. be polite.
this is important as you want them to see you as someone whom is miffed, but also is reasonable
2. be well written/spoken in your words.
try not to use contractions like cant, wont, dont, its, [etc.] and make sure that what you want comes across clear. use proper english and grammar and make sure you come across as "educated and logical]
3. write your !@#$ you draft first.
nobody ever suggests this. but what you want is to write out literally everything you feel at the moment you want to complain. even swears and contractions and have it come across as rediculous and p!$$ed off as possible. then either erase it, or modifiy it so it comes across as someone upset but not blind swearing into an empty toilet. it helps to write your e-mail/letter in word or notepad in case you lose internet connection.
4. make sure your complaint is valid.
check the faq [if they have one] before contacting the busniess, and yes faqs p!$$ the hell out of everyone. such stupid nonsensical questions. how the f@@k is "can it connect to internet?" a frequently asked question about a friggin toaster?!? the heck kind of toast are these people trying to make? but always make sure your complaint is something reasonable that you feel thewe company should own up to.
5. dont use references.
not what you think. im talking things like youtube, social media, twitter, tinder, "myponylikesbutteredtoast.com". dont reference things like this unless they are 100% relevant to your complaint.
6. dont use personal info [address, phone number].
unless, you want them calling you or sending you things in the mail. also you should know that many businesses sometimes end up selling out personal e-mails and phone numbers to spam companies who fill your inbox, phone, and every murderous donut-related though you have [great.... now i want a razberry filled donut]. you will need to check busniess privacy laws and regulations to know. but if you spam them with complaints and your personal phone number, address, or e-mail dont be shocked if you suddenly start getting sh!+ loads of spam.
7. dont expect them to give you free sh!+.
yeah, writing professional complaints may get you noticed or get personal letters/e-mails from the compnay. but it is actually quite rare for a business to provide free merchandise to people filing formal complaints. this is an honest action done on the bahalf of you and others like yourself, expecting free crap and getting free crap is a detriment to the company. if they compensate too many or too much they can lose profits or worse lose public image.
8. try to make your complaint sound like a group.
okay this is a real pro tip. when complaining to a busniess or really in general, it helps your case if you can make it sound like others like you could [or even have] suffered the same indignity. one person complaining hardly does anything. usually. if you are persistent they sometimes will compensate you to just get you to stop. im the guy who held a gun in its case in front of an entire meijer store because the stocker place the rifle on a shelf with a far faaar lower price. i literally had nothing to do while waiting for the bus to come back around so we could get on. several shoppers freaked out about high powered pellet rifles "just being out where anyone could grab them". so the store manager offered me a big discount on the thing. which i took. i still have that rifle today locked safely in a gun box in my closet, gun safety is no joke people!
9. if you can find a way, make the company know the problem could be worse.
yes. i disasterize sometimes when filing formal complaints. but when you have pet supplies being shipped completely slashed to pieces in the shipping box, thats a problem. specially if someone orders rat poison and dog food or like LITERALLY anything compressed in a canister [big box go boom now]. the idea is to take your minor problem and make it something that very realistically could become major [if it isnt already]. it may seem wrong, but murphys law can turn something harmless into a disaster [columbine happened because some idiot sold teens firearms and stores had no age restrictions on propane sales.] these things are very real and happen every day. the titanic disaster happened simply because production skimped costs on the rivets that held the ship together. you dont need to turn everything into a disaster, but if you can literally write out how your small issue could lead to a huge disaster for the company they will likely listen.
10. "pics or it didnt happen"
yeah this one had to be the last on the list. if you REALLY want results, give the business friggin evidence. this case with jimmy johns that got me gift cards had me actually citing everything and quoting from live time research. words mean nothing without actions and actions have no meaning without cause. any evidence you can collect to support your claims will further help your cause. doesmnt always need to be pics, but photo and video is hard to dispute.
i will list below all the cases i filed and got responses from. including total failures on the companies behalf.
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