the life and times of sp_on episode 8

loving the loss

the winds blow, the seasons change. time goes on and love passes by. little do we know that our one and only is out there waiting. they may even be right next to us. its not how much you love someone that proves how much you care. its what your willing to do, how far youre willing to go, what youre willing to give, and what prices youre willing to pay just to keep them by your side. its not till the day you would walk a thousand miles to find the perfect rose that you understand what true love is.
while all the hatred and cheating circles around us like and endless hurricane, we stand and wait through it all with the hopes that it will one point pass. you just have to remember that even the worst storms that destroy everything that you know are always followed by the beautiful warm shining sun. never be one of the people who run from the winds of change. dash headfirst into the storm with no fear about what lies ahead. cause one day your sun will shine and youll find that special person, and next time the storm hits, you wont be alone.
for me i wonder about life. we are born, we grow up, we date, we kiss, we have sex, we get married, we try not to have kids when we cant afford them, we eventually have kids, we get older, we become elderly, we become frail, and eventually we die leaving eveything we have ever had; raising our children to repeat and live the same life.
is it all worth it? does anyone really ever live a full happy life? do we go to heaven? hell? asgard? the underworld? do we get reincarnated? do we achieve immortality? or do we just rot in the ground?
do we bcome angels? demons? spirits? gods? servants? poltergeists? ghosts? monsters? or do we become the soil that the future world will one day grow crops in?
i dont believe in heaven or hell, nor do i believe in god or demons and angels. that is because believing in something means you have the faith that it is real and that you can trust that faith. people believe in love, gods, and even crazy theories. personally i dont believe in religious things like god, and that is because i know they exist. i know that heaven, hell, angels, demons, satan, and god all exist.
allow me to acertain my reasons with a smiple and complex vison i once had:
"i have felt what pure paradise is like; a harmonic chorus singing beautiful music while you feel overwhelmed by a force of power so strong, so immense, that you cannot comprehend it. all you can do is fall to your knees and submit your will. all the while chimes ring around you that normally sound like an epileptic bell chior. yet for some reason it sounds like the most beautiful sound you have ever heard.
i have also felt what pure despair is like. all hope is gone, all you feel is unrelenting anger, neverending loneliness, and unheeding sadness. around you all you hear is screams of horror, pain, a terrifying chorus, and you feel like every second you spend there you lose more and more of your own humanity.
i have felt a balance of both as well simply hovering in the air while you hear chaos below and order above."
i have no self pity. i dont care what anyone thinks about me. i dont care what i think about me. i have worldwid​e​ pity. i just want proof that there is enough good in the world left that we still have a chance. all i see is sex, anger, pain, sufferin​g,​ disaster​,​ and death. its always been about everyone else, never about me. its why i dont fear death, cause im afraid of others dying. i know that i have come to accept everythi​ng​ that is in the world but im just one person out of billions​.​ i wish the world knew what i feel, that way i wouldnt have to suffer watching their pain.
i am not a heartless monster, i am simply a heartbroken man seeking truth and love. allow me to reveal my story of what could have been. I once played baseball for the YMCA in louisville Kentucky. Well on my team was a cute redheaded girl who liked me, and I mean REALLY liked me. She was the coolest and most fun girl I ever knew, and even four years later in high school she STILL had a “crush” on me. It wasn’t till those four years later that I liked her the same way.
Sadly I only knew her first name, that she played baseball for the YMCA and the high school, that she had scarlet red hair, and that she was two years younger than me. She was literally the ONLY girl who ever really truly liked me in high school and frankly never knowing whether things could have happened between me and her has haunted me even to now. I now have no faith in myself that I could ever be successful in relationships and I just cant find the effort in me. If I could just find her and let her know how I feel I could get on with my life. I just need to get the feelings out of my system, I don’t care whether says yes or no. I just need to get my life back to normal.