from the eyes of a roach episode 9

The Humanistic Theory: What Makes Us Who We Are?

By: Sam Pernicano

 

So what makes us, us? In order to answer this question we have to think about the different cultures across the world.

The world is full of culture; each country has its own individual culture and their own holidays.  Some countries celebrate similar holidays such as Italy and Spain, which celebrate Marti Gras and the day of the dead.  Just about every country in the world celebrates Christmas, but for some countries such as Saudi Arabia, you can be killed for just having a Christmas tree in your house.  In America if you call someone an idiot, you are calling them stupid, but if you use that word in Italy, Germany, and other countries, you are calling someone an asshole (the pronunciation and spelling varies).  Just for the record, idiot in German is (dumkof).

A little bit of culture for you; in America it is traditional to celebrate Christmas.  In Rome, Italy they have a holiday on January 6 called epiphany that celebrates the “twelfth day of Christmas” it celebrates a Santa Clause like figure that rides around on a broom and drops down chimneys to deliver gifts.  Don’t believe me? Look it up, I'm Italian, and I should know this stuff.

We just recently celebrated the Chinese New Year; I bet you American people didn’t even know that.  It was on Valentines Day.  It wont be on Valentines Day again for another 60 years or so.  Why am I telling you about all these holidays? It’s the holidays that each and every country looks forward to each year.  America has Veterans Day, Italy has liberation day.  They are basically the same thing, but given different names.  Why? Because of the cultural differences between the countries.

Back at the dawn of mankind, we only had one culture, one language, and one society.  We spoke the same language, wore the same clothes, followed the same rules, and lived the same way.  As the world evolved, so did we.  We began to move to new and better places, we began to create new languages, we began to create new rules, and we began to create our own individual societies.

This is how the world was created as it is today (scientifically).  There are cultures like India, where the cow is sacred and is worshiped like a deity.  There were cultures like Russia when they were afraid of the loss of communism in Europe after WWII, which brought around the cold war.  There are cultures like china that shun against having female children and used to kill female infants.  Then there’s the American culture.

American culture is by far the most unique of any country in the world.  We are no better than anyone else; it is only our vast amount of different cultures that make us unique.  As everyone knows, America began as only 13 states.  After defeating the British, America was granted the right to be a free nation.  As time went by, those 13 states grew and grew, eventually becoming the 50 states we have today (excluding Iraq and Afghanistan, does anybody else think our country is trying to create new states there? I mean seriously, why are we there? Anyways…).

We have so many cultures that make up our society.  That means that there are a lot of different people here with different values, beliefs, social rules, and religions that live in our country.  These are just some of the things that make us who we are, but what makes us, us? Not us as a nation, not us as a culture, but us as people, what makes us who we are?

To answer that let me bring out a psychologists favorite thing about human nature studies, nature verses nurture.  For those of you that don’t know what this means, nature is what you have obtained through genetics.  Things such as bodily figure, eyes, hair, skin color, and height are examples of nature.  Nurture is what you obtain through your surroundings.  Things like the friends you choose, the way your parents raise you, the people you date, and the values you are taught, are examples of nurture.  I myself am the exception to the nurture rule; the way I am today has very little to do with the way I was raised, but enough of that.

Lets talk about nature for a second, say you have a father with blue eyes, brown hair, who is of average build and is five feet eight inches tall.  Then say you have a mother who has blonde hair and blue eyes, has a slim slender athletic body and is five feet three inches tall.  What would you look like? 

You might think that you would have blue eyes and blonde hair, but blue eyes are a recessive trait when it comes to genes.  Because both your parents have blue eyes you would have a high chance of having blue eyes, having a mix of blonde and blonde and brown hair and will probably reach a height of five feet six inches and be of an average bodily build.  That is a VERY rough estimate of what you might look like.  When it comes to nature, you not only have to consider traits from your parents, but also your grandparents and great grandparents.  I actually ended up with blue eyes, and nobody in my family except my great grandfather had blue eyes.  (Of course they changed at age 15, but that doesn’t matter.)  As for nurture, that is the main part of this explanation of why we are who we are.

Our parents try to raise us as best as possible.  They teach us right from wrong, they tell us how to act appropriately in social situations, and they show us the love and compassion that lets us know that they care.  They basically raise us till we become teenagers and hit puberty, where most of us rebel against them and constantly get grounded.

It’s all about whether we use what our parents taught us when we are old enough to go out on our own.  Like dating, hanging out with friends, going to parties, going to concerts or sporting events, and going off to college, where our true abilities are tested.  If our parents raised us right, we will make the right decisions and keep ourselves out of trouble.

The times of adolescence from ages 13-18 are the hardest times of not only a parent’s life, but also the Childs.  Think back to when you first began to get freedom from your parents.  Think about how you were allowed to go out later and later as you got older, and how you could do just about anything you wanted without your parents ever finding out.. 

Friends, why do we make them? Why do we choose the people we do? Why do our friends sometimes betray us? From the lowly young ages of preschool, we begin making friends.  In preschool they are called “playmates”.  Even then we have a reason for the people we choose to be friends with. 

Here's some interesting information that most of you may already know: young girls tend to form small groups of friends and play imaginary games like, “house”.  Young girls prefer to be in groups rather then in pairs.  Young boys usually go off and explore around.  Young boys prefer to hang out in pairs or in groups of three.  Young boys are much more physical with their playtime than young girls.

Now lets make a BIG jump to age 13.  Once children reach adolescence at the age of 13, they begin choosing their friends more carefully.  This is the point that most boys and girls are leaving middle school and are entering high school.  This is where a big change happens.

In high school there are multiple races, cultures, social groupings, and ages.  This is where a child is truly tested on how their parent(s) raised them.  If they make the right decisions, they will choose the right friends and will stay out of trouble.  If they make the wrong decisions, they will pick the wrong friends and may end up getting in trouble.

In high school you have multiple races: white, African American, Latino, Indian, Asian, etch.  You have multiple social groupings: cheerleaders, jocks, nerds, band geeks, Goths, popular kids, unpopular kids, bullies, seniors (yes it’s a social grouping, its just not well known), freshmen (people don’t always pick on the freshmen), etc.  Then you have a multitude of ages.  There are freshmen that are still 13 and some seniors that may be 20 or older.  These things can make it very hard to fit in.  However, if you can find a group of people or just one person that you’re comfortable with, you can fit in. 

That brings us to the question, why do we choose the friends we do? Well think back to high school again, when you went in as a freshman what did you expect? (Other that the seniors to come over and shove your head in a toilet).  If you liked to play music, you might join the band, but when people may call you a band geek you probably would deny it.  If you like sports you might join a sporting team.  If you were a good player, your team would like you and would befriend you.  However, if you lost a game people might insult you or complain about you.  If you liked to dance you might join the dance team or the cheerleading squad.  What if you lost a competition and people got angry with you? If you were smart and you got really good grades you might make friends with the other smart people.  If somebody yanked your underwear over your head as a prank, what would you do? If you were really attractive and knew how to work guys and manipulate girls like they were putty in your hands and you became one of the most popular girls in the school, what would you do if some guy you dated called slut and told you to leave your friends? If you were one of the tough guys in the school and you hung out with the other tough guys, what would you do if someone told you to make some new friends? If you were always being picked on, if you were constantly being beaten up, if nobody cared about you, but you found comfort in a group of kids that were in the same situation as you, what would you do if your parents told you to make some new and happier friends? If your favorite color was black, if you loved to wear piercing and wear dark make up and you found a group of people who did the same as you, what would you do if somebody tried to make you leave them and dress differently?

Now think about all those scenarios in order: the band geek, the jock, the cheerleader, the nerd, the popular kid, the bully, the loser, and the Goth, they were all given scenarios that each person may likely face.  Have you ever been any of those kids? Would you leave the friends your with? No you wouldn’t.  Why? Because we as human beings find comfort in familiarity.  When we find someone or a group of people that make us feel comfortable or happy, we do not like being told to leave them, nor do we want to leave them.  We would rather go on being with the people that make us happy than change our ways and find a whole new group.  That is why we choose the friends we do, and why we stay with them through thick and thin.

Why do friends sometimes betray us? Say that you are a guy who is dating a beautiful blonde haired, blue-eyed girl.  Your best friend is very happy for you, but spring break comes up and your parents want you to come with them from college to visit your grandparents.  You let your girlfriend know that you are going to be gone for a while and when spring break comes around, you leave.

When you get back you call your girlfriend to see if she wants to go out on a romantic date to make up for missing her over spring break, but you cant reach her.  After a week of not hearing back from her you go to your best friends place to see if he knows what is going on.  When you get there you catch your best friend and girlfriend locking lips on the couch.

You find out from your friend that he secretly has been envying you and the girl you have been dating.  He had liked her just as much as you, but he says that you had gotten to her first.  You ask your girlfriend why she was kissing him and she says that it was “a moment of weakness” and that “it will never happen again”.

Later on your girlfriend informs you that she had an emotional breakdown while you were gone and that she couldn’t reach you.  So she called the second closest person to you, your best friend.  She talks about how he was so compassionate and how he was there in her time of need.

Long story short, friends can sometimes betray each other when there’s something that one wants that the other doesn’t have.  Here’s another example this is for you girls.

Your best friend really likes this guy, she is crazy about him.  However, she is afraid to ask him out.  You keep telling her to just go up to him and talk to him, but she doesn’t. 

Eventually you convince her to ask him out and he says yes.  After her first date with him she begins to tell you every detail of the date.  You are very happy that she is dating this guy she is crazy about so you don’t mind.

Suddenly you get a call on your cell phone from your boyfriend.  He says he needs to tell you something.  When you see your boyfriend he comes right out and tells you that he’s leaving you for someone else.  Heartbroken, you return home and sleep it off.

Over the period of the next three weeks, all your friend talks about is her “amazing” and “special” boyfriend.  Eventually you become very jealous and aggravated.  You begin to get tired of hearing of your friends stupid boyfriend and eventually you take her phone out of her purse while she is in the bathroom at the mall.

You take her phone and smash it to the ground out of anger and frustration.  When your friend comes out, you tell her that her phone fell out of her purse and that somebody stepped on it.  You know that your friends phone was her life and that it was the only way she had of contacting her boyfriend.  You feel somewhat better but you realize that you may have just ruined your friendship.

Another example of betrayal, caused by frustration and jealousy.

So what do all of these things have to do with who we are as a person? Well our genetics, the way our parents raise us, the friends we choose, the choices we make, the actions we take, our culture, our race, and the way we think are what make us unique.  They are what make us who we are.  They are what make us, us.  They are also the things that make every single one of us, human.