jokes:
you might be a twilight fan..
if you ever named your child edward, jacob, or bella.
if you became a furry because you have a crush on jacob.
if you suddenly develop a fear of the sun.
if you ever named your DOG jacob.
if you ever beat up someone for doing a bad imitation of a vampire.
if you ever cosplay with your partner as edward and bella.
if you think every dog you meet is a werewolf.
if you bootleged the twilight movie and watched it months before it was going to come out, and then told your friends, who were also twilight fans, about it just to piss them off. (you know who you are.)
Q: what is it called when a vampire goes to the red cross when a hemophiliac is giving blood?
A: a vacation
Q: what do you call a 300 pound werewolf thats threatening to attack you?
A: anything he wants
Q: whats the best gift jacob ever recieved from bella?
A: a flea collar and a dog tag
Q: whats the worst gift bella ever recieved from jacob?
A: feline aids
Q: whats the best gift edward ever recieved from bella?
A: a glitter removal kit
Q: why is it bad to date vampires?
A: you always regret the deepthroat and hickies
top 20 things twilight vampires could do to make people hate them:
20. get jobs in the electric company as back up lighting
19. create a vampire fan club (oh wait, never mind...)
18. create a movie about them (wait, they already did that?! son of a b****!)
17. make a movie that is a demonic chick flick, that half the people out there dont give a rats a** about (seriously WTF?!)
16. make a sequel to the first movie that half the people still wouldnt pay even a sock full of crap to see (again, WTF?!)
15. make a sequel to the first two movies that is about as interesting as asphalt drying on the highway in the middle of the california desert (LIKE I SAID...W?!...T?!...F?!)
14. just exist on the planet earth
13. never end the twilight series
12. get all the rules about vampires absoolutely wrong
11. get defanged
10. get a job as a disco ball
9. get jobs as lumberjacks
8. dress up as beavers and go to a furry party
7. hire edward as the spokesman for the new garlic pizza from papa johns.
6. start worshipping god
5. become werewolves
4. join the olympics
3. being in the twilight movie
2. being in the other twilight movie
and the number 1 reason, the top reason that can make people hate them:
1. just be in another god d*** f***ing twilight movie
and now for your enjoyment: the top 10 things that twilight characters can do to make people happy.
10. commit suicide by means of garlic pizza or a burning wooden steak to the heart.
9. get feline aids from jacob
8. get sent to the sun on a one way space trip
7. bella dies
6. jacob dies
5. edward dies
4. bella, jacob, and edward die
3. the entire cast of the twilight saga dies and is reincarnated as turkeys on thanksgiving day
2. just plain out die.
and the number 1 thing that would make people the happiest:
1. the twilight budget goes bankrupt and the cast and series has to transfer to russia (or some other place we hate)
you might be a twilight fan..
if you ever named your child edward, jacob, or bella.
if you became a furry because you have a crush on jacob.
if you suddenly develop a fear of the sun.
if you ever named your DOG jacob.
if you ever beat up someone for doing a bad imitation of a vampire.
if you ever cosplay with your partner as edward and bella.
if you think every dog you meet is a werewolf.
if you bootleged the twilight movie and watched it months before it was going to come out, and then told your friends, who were also twilight fans, about it just to piss them off. (you know who you are.)
Q: what is it called when a vampire goes to the red cross when a hemophiliac is giving blood?
A: a vacation
Q: what do you call a 300 pound werewolf thats threatening to attack you?
A: anything he wants
Q: whats the best gift jacob ever recieved from bella?
A: a flea collar and a dog tag
Q: whats the worst gift bella ever recieved from jacob?
A: feline aids
Q: whats the best gift edward ever recieved from bella?
A: a glitter removal kit
Q: why is it bad to date vampires?
A: you always regret the deepthroat and hickies
top 20 things twilight vampires could do to make people hate them:
20. get jobs in the electric company as back up lighting
19. create a vampire fan club (oh wait, never mind...)
18. create a movie about them (wait, they already did that?! son of a b****!)
17. make a movie that is a demonic chick flick, that half the people out there dont give a rats a** about (seriously WTF?!)
16. make a sequel to the first movie that half the people still wouldnt pay even a sock full of crap to see (again, WTF?!)
15. make a sequel to the first two movies that is about as interesting as asphalt drying on the highway in the middle of the california desert (LIKE I SAID...W?!...T?!...F?!)
14. just exist on the planet earth
13. never end the twilight series
12. get all the rules about vampires absoolutely wrong
11. get defanged
10. get a job as a disco ball
9. get jobs as lumberjacks
8. dress up as beavers and go to a furry party
7. hire edward as the spokesman for the new garlic pizza from papa johns.
6. start worshipping god
5. become werewolves
4. join the olympics
3. being in the twilight movie
2. being in the other twilight movie
and the number 1 reason, the top reason that can make people hate them:
1. just be in another god d*** f***ing twilight movie
and now for your enjoyment: the top 10 things that twilight characters can do to make people happy.
10. commit suicide by means of garlic pizza or a burning wooden steak to the heart.
9. get feline aids from jacob
8. get sent to the sun on a one way space trip
7. bella dies
6. jacob dies
5. edward dies
4. bella, jacob, and edward die
3. the entire cast of the twilight saga dies and is reincarnated as turkeys on thanksgiving day
2. just plain out die.
and the number 1 thing that would make people the happiest:
1. the twilight budget goes bankrupt and the cast and series has to transfer to russia (or some other place we hate)
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