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*March 27:
The
sky turns dark, the crystal is tainted. The darkness fills the open sky
as the sun runs for cover. The fun is gone, the love dead. There’s
nothing left inside, wiped clean by their betrayal. The castle walls have
fallen, they cannot be repaired. I am finally released from my imprisonment to
see the world as it really is. As a tortured soul in this world of
sadness and sorrow I’ve never found true friendship or love. As my heart
gets torn apart, I can only wonder why I’m here.
*March
28:
There’s no such thing as true
love. No matter how much you love a person there’s no way that they will
stay true. People can’t be trusted, I hate them all. I’m tired of
all the betrayal and hate; I just want it to go away. No matter what I
will never give in.
*April 2:
Nobody
ever responds me, do they even care? The tortured soul that lies within shall
never be free. I lie and wait for
someone to find me, but nobody comes. I can feel the darkness edging closer
and closer. Will anybody show me the light?
*April
4:
The darkness takes hold of those
around me. It will soon bring them to their knees. Be careful of what you
say and do, you may regret it. Those who think that there is still hope
left are doomed to exist. The darkness shall come and strike, it will
rule over all. Do not fool around for the time has come for the
darkness to reign.
*April 7:
The
prince of darkness may have found his princess. It is she who gives him
life. They shall rule together for all eternity, never looking
back. For their love is strong and their will unmatched. Nothing
could break the bond. Is she really the one? Only time will tell in the
end.
*April
8:
The
prince of shadows yearns for a princess. He calls into the darkness, won’t
someone answer?
*April
14:
What
are we but pawns in this chess game called life. We are manipulated by
simple acts and temptations. Once the cards are dealt and the bets
made, there’s no turning back. You can go ahead and fold, but
in the end your chips will be gone. There’s no stopping the unstoppable,
we can’t control the impossible. At some point we have to realize
that we can’t control everything the way we want.
*April
26:
To see
the beauty that life holds you must look into your heart. To see what true
love is you have to make sacrifices. To understand true friendship you
must learn to love others. To get help you must first give help. To
earn the trust of others you must first learn to trust them.
Poem: The Nothing
I
walk this highway that seems to be endless in length,
I follow this
trail that never ends,
I live on the
fine line between heaven and hell,
I’m perfectly
balanced, but never flat,
I try and try to
control myself,
But sometimes I
just have to let go,
I’m living a life,
in which I’ll never be free,
Always hindered
by my flaws,
I’ll never
understand,
How I’m so
different, but at the same time the same,
I am so unique
in who I am and what I do,
But there’s a
little bit of everyone inside of me,
On the outside
skies are clear,
The sun is
shining bright,
On the inside
storms ravage my heart,
It’s being torn
to pieces,
I lived a life
of betrayal and hatred,
My heart has
been turned black,
No matter how
hard I try I will never win,
I’ll always be
the underdog,
I hate what I am
but I’m stuck this way,
I’ll never be
the person I want to be,
I’m good; I help
those in need,
I’m evil, I make
others suffer,
I’m perfectly
balanced, but never flat,
My mind is
torturing me, it never stops,
Going going on
and on, will it ever end?
I’ll never fit
in, but I don’t care,
I am who I am; I
wouldn’t change it for anything,
No one
understands who I am, they never will,
Until they live
a day in my shoes, they have no say,
I am intriguing,
but never interesting,
I am special,
but never important,
Who I am is for
me to choose,
I’ll be who I
want to be,
Until they
understand me I’ll never be accepted,
They judge by
the eye and not by the heart,
I’ll never back down;
I’ll never give in,
No matter the
problem I will never run away,
Love will not
conquer me, I will prevail,
It is a foolish
emotion that always ends,
Someday I’ll be
important, someday ill matter,
But until then I’ll
be a nobody.
*April
28:
To
live the life I have is torture. No matter what I will never give
in. As far as I’m concerned the world is wrong. Does
nobody see what's going on? We are destroying ourselves. We
are setting ourselves for failure. I will never stop till I am heard
out. Someday they’ll all listen. At least for now I have some
people on my side. Thanks to all my friends for all the help and
comfort.
*May
2:
So as long as this cruel world
tortures my soul with tainted love, I’ll never be free. For me to be
loved is a joke. This world is full of liars and haters. I’ve never
felt so desperate for someone to talk to. The world might as well burn in
hell because that’s where it’s headed anyways. The darkness is coming...
*May 5:
I walk
a path that continues on to no end. I will never be free. I hate my
life, nobody ever listens to me. Hardly anyone trusts me and not many
people like me. Most of my so called "friends" are just using
me. I don’t care; they need me more than I need them. Without me
they wouldn’t have anyone to hang out with. I hope the world burns in
hell. As I cry myself to sleep each night I come to realize that...I’m so...lonely.
:(
*May 6, may 11:
Darkness and despair fill my heart as I
live day by day. I walk around with a
black hole for a heart. Can nothing fill
the void? I will always be the one bird
that never leaves the nest; the one fish that never learns to swim. I will always be alone; never will someone be
by my side. I am destined for greatness,
but doomed to live in solitude. Even
though there are people I care about, they’re never close enough. It takes years to form a mountain, but just
one small stone to cause an avalanche.
Everything I have cared about has been taken away from me.
*May 12: poem: Darkness
The sky turns dark, the crystal is tainted.
The darkness fills the open sky as the sun runs for cover.
The fun is gone, the love dead.
There’s nothing left inside, wiped clean by their betrayal.
The castle walls have fallen, they cannot be repaired.
I am finally released from my imprisonment to see the world
as it really is.
As a tortured soul in this world of sadness and sorrow I’ve
never found true friendship or love.
As my heart gets torn apart, I can only wonder why I’m here.
What are we but pawns in this chess game called life.
We are manipulated by simple acts and temptations.
Once the cards are dealt and the bets made, there’s no
turning back.
You can go ahead and fold, but in the end your
chips will be gone.
There’s no stopping the unstoppable, we can’t control the
impossible.
At some point we have to realize that we can’t control
everything the way we want.
To see the beauty that life holds you must look into your
heart.
To see what true love is you have to make sacrifices.
To understand true friendship you must learn to love others.
To get help you must first give help.
To earn the trust of others you must first learn to trust
them.
Darkness and
despair fill my heart as I live day by day.
I walk around
with a black hole for a heart.
Can nothing fill
the void?
I will always be
the one bird that never leaves the nest;
The one fish
that never learns to swim.
I will always be
alone;
Never will
someone be by my side.
I am destined
for greatness, but doomed to live in solitude.
Even though
there are people I care about, they’re never close enough.
It takes years
to form a mountain, but just one small stone to cause an avalanche.
Everything I
have cared about has been taken away from me.
*May
20:
We are nothing but checkers on a
checkerboard of life. We let others control our actions & move us
wherever they want. We move from square to square just trying to
get to the other side. To exist w
no existence is like not being alive. We all wish to exist for a
reason. We all have one, but it’s most likely not the one we want.
(manic starts)
*May
25:
Open
your mouth and speak; my angel. Speak so
they may hear your beautiful voice. That
voice at which calls upon the light within me.
It is you who can set me free.
Just call out thy name and reveal thyself. Just reveal who you are, deep down
inside. Reveal thyself so I may release
the darkness seizing hold on my heart.
Do it now, for me.
(manic end)
*June 1:
In this world I must live alone. No
matter what I do no matter what I say, I’m always alone in the end. This
world conspires against my aching heart, torturing it to no end. It will never
let me keep a companion. All my life all I’ve wanted was love, but destiny
would never let me have it. Will the dark clouds encircling my heart ever
lift?
*June 8:
Darkness,
darkness, all around. Hatred ruling full and abound. Why won’t someone answer
my call? There is a hole in my heart that can never be filled. I have dug
myself a hole and am now being buried (alive). The darkness really is coming
this time, and I like it. I’m tired of fighting off the unstoppable. Without
someone next to me, I would become the one thing I fear the most. I’m afraid of
letting this maniacally evil demon out from inside of me. If I were to lose
those who I care about ((like you kitty)), it would be the end for the angel
inside of me. That’s right, I’m angelic AND demonic.
*June 15: Crossroads
My
time is coming, the darkness edges closer and closer. So much to know, so
little be known to me. Why does everything have to go wrong? Does this world
not hear my cry? As I shed these tears of despair, I wonder if there’s more to
my life than there appears. Am I meant for more than what I’m doing now? What
is my purpose? To build? Or to destroy? As the paths of time twist and turn, I
learn bit by bit of who I am. I’m tired of waiting, TELL ME NOW! I MUST
KNOW WHO OR WHAT I AM!!
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