During a blood moon (where the moon is red) anything you cook will be guaranteed triple strength. Now this effect only works from roughly 11:45 pm to 12:30 (or 1:00) am. After about 1 am the blood moon effect wears off. Critical cooking is great for powerful food items and elixirs while only needing the minimal ingredients. And most higher level cooked items sell for more.
Also blood moons revive all whom you killed (including guardians). This (like the Damn rain) can be very inconvenient at locations like towers or the super-kama-Kamakazie-super-mega-death-level-zero-reset-suicide island shrine challenge on eventide island. (Where it rains every day at the same time and you walk nude among a land of things born to kill you and rape your skull. Yet houses very useful items, weapons, and monsters that give parts normally scattered across the lands.)
Sunday, March 19, 2017
Breath of the wild early points of interest: level 2 cold resistance cheat and hylian shield early
In breath of the wild one of the hardest things you'll have to deal with is extreme temperatures. In the very beginning of the game you are required to find and pass the four shrines to obtain the spirit orbs to trade the familiar looking old man for the glider.
One of the shrines requires you to go to the top of the mountain (on the far left of the map). To get there you'll need meals that reduce the effect of cold (just find a butt load of peppers and cook them two at a time in a pot). If you look carefully you'll see the old man at the top of the mountain (haha). Talk to him to get the warm doublet which reduces the effect of cold. You won't need meals (least till you get to the mount lanayru region where you need level 2 cold resistance).
This is where the cheat comes in, as normally you'd need the warm doublet AND some pretty hard to make meals that reduce cold effects. As the icy regions are nearly ALWAYS covered in blinding snow you can't ever see more then a couple hundred feet ahead, you can run out of food VERY fast.
One temporary cheat is to use firewood to start back at the morning as the temp tends to be higher then. But fire starting is hard if you have no flint or are low. Starting fires without flint is very easy (unless it's raining, then no fire EVER), that is...unless you have the flameblade sword. This sword can create instant fires infinitely and anywhere and given that you don't hit a wall behind the vines or thorns you try to burn the blade never dulls.
I can't express this enough, NEVER USE THE FLAMEBLADE AS A COMBAT WEAPON UNLESS YOU HAVE MORE THAN ONE. The flameblade has a thiRd use beyond combat or starting fire without flint. When equipped with the warm doublet it provides a startling effect of level 2 cold resistance. All you need is to equip the flameblade, you don't even need to have it in your hand.
The earliest location to obtain a flameblade is startlingly early at the dueling peaks stable via the quest, "misko, the great bandit". You'll need about 100 rupies to pay the two guys inside for the quest. If you don't have any rupies simply cook 10 apples in a pot one at a time to make 10 simmered fruit dishes then sell them to beedle (who should be nearby. At night he's inside, during the day he's outside walking around). Each dish sells for 10 rupies (remember this, as making crap dishes from foods you don't need is a very effective way to gain money. Cook two items at a time for the best profit.)
Once you find the cave of loot located southwest of the little twin bridge (on a cliff directly south of the Hickaly woods) collect everything and then bomb the rocks on the left side of the cave. This quest gives a flameblade in the cave.
And if you want to entertain your inner sadist go check out the Hickaly woods on a blood moon.
On relation to THAT the hylian shield can be found in hyrule castle lockup. Easiest way there is to enter through the castle rear from the docks. Save often as you'll die in one hit from pretty much everything. From the rear of the castle head right and inside the castle. Then look for a long tall square elevator like shaft. Or just keep heading down once inside the castle. The lockup is in the basement, you'll know you're there as its a huge long corridor full of prison cells stuffed with about 5 or 6 powerful enemies and weapons.
You're looking for a big empty room with a pile of bones. This is where the stalox is. It's similar to a hinox (like a super big moblin) only made of bones.
To beat this sob and claim the hylian shield you'll need three things:
1. The most powerful sword or weapon you can get before entering the room.
2. The most powerful bow and arrows (at the riverside stable you can buy fire/ice arrows from the vendors. Theres beedle and a dude running around in armor who sells crap. If you go to the stable area during a thunderstorm the dude in armor and beedle sell the elemental arrows). you can get before entering the room.
And 3. Either items that increase attack power or defense. Health restore items don't matter in this boss as he'll pretty much one hit your ass if he hits you.
The best way to fight the stalnox is shoot him in the eye with a bow, then run up and attack him with no more than 3 hits. Any more than 3 and you'll get hit and die. Eventually the stalnox will put his hand over his eye to block you. You can bypass this if you shoot his eye IMMEDIATELY after he gets up after falling down from the previous shot to the eye. You have to be really fast and accurate if you try this (time the shot right as he gets up and opens his eye).
Otherwise once he starts blocking his eye from arrows simply run through his legs, being sure to run past him by about a quarter or half your stamina meter. (Soon as you pass through his legs continue to run for about a 4th of the bar). If done right he will butt pound the ground or belly slam and you won't be hurt. Use this ground pound to your advantage, once on the ground attack him with three to five hits from your weapon.
Stamina restore items are good here just in case. Whatever you do DO NOT JUST RUSH IN AND WAIL ON HIM. As once his health hits rock bottom he falls down and the impact WILL KILL YOU. once his health hits rock bottom his eye falls out and bounces around the room. Do what you wish to attack and kill the eye then claim your shield once dead.
Be noted that the hylian shield is in fact breakable, but takes so long to do so that you'll find the "from the ground up" side quest by the time the shield breaks. This quest opens after you complete the first part of the "hylian homeowner" sidequest. Buy the house for 3000 rupies to do this. Read into the "from the ground up" quest to see about getting the hylian shield replaced.
I got my shield with only 5 hearts so it can be done quite early in the game. I have the master sword now and have only just started the "from the ground up" quest. Since it will be very very very VERY VEEEEEEERY long before you can buy a replacement I suggest only using the hylian shield against very powerful enemies such as shrine bosses and guardians. But be warned, while the hylian shield can deflect guardian lasers the Lazer will eventually rip that shield to shreds. Also using the shield when getting electrified will cause you to drop and lose it.
The most use you will get from the shield incurs shortly after getting it from the stalnox room. Should you explore the castle to collect weapons or test it out on the powerful enemies.
One of the shrines requires you to go to the top of the mountain (on the far left of the map). To get there you'll need meals that reduce the effect of cold (just find a butt load of peppers and cook them two at a time in a pot). If you look carefully you'll see the old man at the top of the mountain (haha). Talk to him to get the warm doublet which reduces the effect of cold. You won't need meals (least till you get to the mount lanayru region where you need level 2 cold resistance).
This is where the cheat comes in, as normally you'd need the warm doublet AND some pretty hard to make meals that reduce cold effects. As the icy regions are nearly ALWAYS covered in blinding snow you can't ever see more then a couple hundred feet ahead, you can run out of food VERY fast.
One temporary cheat is to use firewood to start back at the morning as the temp tends to be higher then. But fire starting is hard if you have no flint or are low. Starting fires without flint is very easy (unless it's raining, then no fire EVER), that is...unless you have the flameblade sword. This sword can create instant fires infinitely and anywhere and given that you don't hit a wall behind the vines or thorns you try to burn the blade never dulls.
I can't express this enough, NEVER USE THE FLAMEBLADE AS A COMBAT WEAPON UNLESS YOU HAVE MORE THAN ONE. The flameblade has a thiRd use beyond combat or starting fire without flint. When equipped with the warm doublet it provides a startling effect of level 2 cold resistance. All you need is to equip the flameblade, you don't even need to have it in your hand.
The earliest location to obtain a flameblade is startlingly early at the dueling peaks stable via the quest, "misko, the great bandit". You'll need about 100 rupies to pay the two guys inside for the quest. If you don't have any rupies simply cook 10 apples in a pot one at a time to make 10 simmered fruit dishes then sell them to beedle (who should be nearby. At night he's inside, during the day he's outside walking around). Each dish sells for 10 rupies (remember this, as making crap dishes from foods you don't need is a very effective way to gain money. Cook two items at a time for the best profit.)
Once you find the cave of loot located southwest of the little twin bridge (on a cliff directly south of the Hickaly woods) collect everything and then bomb the rocks on the left side of the cave. This quest gives a flameblade in the cave.
And if you want to entertain your inner sadist go check out the Hickaly woods on a blood moon.
On relation to THAT the hylian shield can be found in hyrule castle lockup. Easiest way there is to enter through the castle rear from the docks. Save often as you'll die in one hit from pretty much everything. From the rear of the castle head right and inside the castle. Then look for a long tall square elevator like shaft. Or just keep heading down once inside the castle. The lockup is in the basement, you'll know you're there as its a huge long corridor full of prison cells stuffed with about 5 or 6 powerful enemies and weapons.
You're looking for a big empty room with a pile of bones. This is where the stalox is. It's similar to a hinox (like a super big moblin) only made of bones.
To beat this sob and claim the hylian shield you'll need three things:
1. The most powerful sword or weapon you can get before entering the room.
2. The most powerful bow and arrows (at the riverside stable you can buy fire/ice arrows from the vendors. Theres beedle and a dude running around in armor who sells crap. If you go to the stable area during a thunderstorm the dude in armor and beedle sell the elemental arrows). you can get before entering the room.
And 3. Either items that increase attack power or defense. Health restore items don't matter in this boss as he'll pretty much one hit your ass if he hits you.
The best way to fight the stalnox is shoot him in the eye with a bow, then run up and attack him with no more than 3 hits. Any more than 3 and you'll get hit and die. Eventually the stalnox will put his hand over his eye to block you. You can bypass this if you shoot his eye IMMEDIATELY after he gets up after falling down from the previous shot to the eye. You have to be really fast and accurate if you try this (time the shot right as he gets up and opens his eye).
Otherwise once he starts blocking his eye from arrows simply run through his legs, being sure to run past him by about a quarter or half your stamina meter. (Soon as you pass through his legs continue to run for about a 4th of the bar). If done right he will butt pound the ground or belly slam and you won't be hurt. Use this ground pound to your advantage, once on the ground attack him with three to five hits from your weapon.
Stamina restore items are good here just in case. Whatever you do DO NOT JUST RUSH IN AND WAIL ON HIM. As once his health hits rock bottom he falls down and the impact WILL KILL YOU. once his health hits rock bottom his eye falls out and bounces around the room. Do what you wish to attack and kill the eye then claim your shield once dead.
Be noted that the hylian shield is in fact breakable, but takes so long to do so that you'll find the "from the ground up" side quest by the time the shield breaks. This quest opens after you complete the first part of the "hylian homeowner" sidequest. Buy the house for 3000 rupies to do this. Read into the "from the ground up" quest to see about getting the hylian shield replaced.
I got my shield with only 5 hearts so it can be done quite early in the game. I have the master sword now and have only just started the "from the ground up" quest. Since it will be very very very VERY VEEEEEEERY long before you can buy a replacement I suggest only using the hylian shield against very powerful enemies such as shrine bosses and guardians. But be warned, while the hylian shield can deflect guardian lasers the Lazer will eventually rip that shield to shreds. Also using the shield when getting electrified will cause you to drop and lose it.
The most use you will get from the shield incurs shortly after getting it from the stalnox room. Should you explore the castle to collect weapons or test it out on the powerful enemies.
Sunday, March 12, 2017
Loz breath of the wild shrine guide: rota ooh shrine "passing of the gates"
Pain. In. The. Ass.
Use the ice power and freeze a platform on the right side in front of the ledge.
To do this you must edge carefully into the water down the ramp on the right. Use the far right side of the ramp. Once you can see that you can make an ice platform DIRECTLY to the right of the solid walkway to the left. You need to be able to jump from the ice block to the other side of the front wall.
If you need better idea of exactly where to place the block of ice simply swim down the right ramp and around the left corner.
Once on the other side (you will see the orange ball that WAS behind a locked door) you need to get the ball over behind the fence on the right. Into the orange hole.
Really you don't need the chest in the back left corner of the room. It's a small key to open the locked door. Getting the key creates a checkpoint though.
Now this is the fun part. To get the ball over the fence you need to first create a second ice block TO THE LEFT of the metal grate that spans across the center path. It is important that the block is to the left.
With the block made you need to place the ball and two bombs on the ice block in a triangle formation with the bombs behind the ball.
Like this:
________________
1BBBB0000PPPP1
1BBBB0000PPPP1
100000000000001
100000000000001
1BBBB0000BBBB1
1BBBB0000BBBB1
For the record "B" stands for "bomb" and "P" stands for the ball. And the reason why I have 3 bombs is because you won't know what shape to make the triangle till you try this.
The exact placement of the two bombs depends on how well you can place them with the ball. And DON'T remove the first ice block you used to get through the locked door.
Once you place both bombs and the ball on the ice block in a triangle as displayed above use the time stop power on the ball. Then switch to a bomb, step back, detonate, then watch the fun. The ice block blows up, the ball floats in midair, and a red arrow shows where the ball will go.
You want the arrow going ABOVE AND OVER that Damn fence. If this technique fails the grab the ball and try again. If the ball falls in the water, fuck it and reload the last save.
BTW if you DO want the small key use the ice power to make a block in front of the platform with the key. Climb and grab.
To summarize the above simply, create an ice block to the right of the platform via the right ramp, use another ice block and place the ball and TWO bombs in a triangle so that the ball is facing the fence in front of the orange hole, freeze time, detonate bombs.
Once you succeed in the unholy shitstorm above the ball going into the hole on the other side of the fence will activate a square launching platform in front of the now unlocked door (or locked door if you said fuck the key).
This is annoying. The platform will rise three seconds after it falls. You need to step off the square at the end of the count of three AFTER the platform goes down. Once done right you'll be launched into the air.
If you want the chest you need to glide to it soon as you reach max height. Otherwise you'll need to whip out the glider soon after the square catapult flings you all the way up and either glide right or left. This fling and zing thing here is a bitch of a sting to do. Too soon and you face plant the platform (or you miss your chance to land if you DO time the launch right). Too late and you get launched into the low ceiling.
BTW if you want to know the purpose of the ladder behind the fence where the ball goes to activate the catapult platform, like the cake and my cat, IT IS A LIE. A BIG FREAKING DICK TEASER OF A LIE. forget the ladder like you did that one thing you did when you were younger, yeah...YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
after you stick the landing go grab the orb above. Then question what the designers were smoking when they made this thing.
Use the ice power and freeze a platform on the right side in front of the ledge.
To do this you must edge carefully into the water down the ramp on the right. Use the far right side of the ramp. Once you can see that you can make an ice platform DIRECTLY to the right of the solid walkway to the left. You need to be able to jump from the ice block to the other side of the front wall.
If you need better idea of exactly where to place the block of ice simply swim down the right ramp and around the left corner.
Once on the other side (you will see the orange ball that WAS behind a locked door) you need to get the ball over behind the fence on the right. Into the orange hole.
Really you don't need the chest in the back left corner of the room. It's a small key to open the locked door. Getting the key creates a checkpoint though.
Now this is the fun part. To get the ball over the fence you need to first create a second ice block TO THE LEFT of the metal grate that spans across the center path. It is important that the block is to the left.
With the block made you need to place the ball and two bombs on the ice block in a triangle formation with the bombs behind the ball.
Like this:
________________
1BBBB0000PPPP1
1BBBB0000PPPP1
100000000000001
100000000000001
1BBBB0000BBBB1
1BBBB0000BBBB1
For the record "B" stands for "bomb" and "P" stands for the ball. And the reason why I have 3 bombs is because you won't know what shape to make the triangle till you try this.
The exact placement of the two bombs depends on how well you can place them with the ball. And DON'T remove the first ice block you used to get through the locked door.
Once you place both bombs and the ball on the ice block in a triangle as displayed above use the time stop power on the ball. Then switch to a bomb, step back, detonate, then watch the fun. The ice block blows up, the ball floats in midair, and a red arrow shows where the ball will go.
You want the arrow going ABOVE AND OVER that Damn fence. If this technique fails the grab the ball and try again. If the ball falls in the water, fuck it and reload the last save.
BTW if you DO want the small key use the ice power to make a block in front of the platform with the key. Climb and grab.
To summarize the above simply, create an ice block to the right of the platform via the right ramp, use another ice block and place the ball and TWO bombs in a triangle so that the ball is facing the fence in front of the orange hole, freeze time, detonate bombs.
Once you succeed in the unholy shitstorm above the ball going into the hole on the other side of the fence will activate a square launching platform in front of the now unlocked door (or locked door if you said fuck the key).
This is annoying. The platform will rise three seconds after it falls. You need to step off the square at the end of the count of three AFTER the platform goes down. Once done right you'll be launched into the air.
If you want the chest you need to glide to it soon as you reach max height. Otherwise you'll need to whip out the glider soon after the square catapult flings you all the way up and either glide right or left. This fling and zing thing here is a bitch of a sting to do. Too soon and you face plant the platform (or you miss your chance to land if you DO time the launch right). Too late and you get launched into the low ceiling.
BTW if you want to know the purpose of the ladder behind the fence where the ball goes to activate the catapult platform, like the cake and my cat, IT IS A LIE. A BIG FREAKING DICK TEASER OF A LIE. forget the ladder like you did that one thing you did when you were younger, yeah...YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
after you stick the landing go grab the orb above. Then question what the designers were smoking when they made this thing.
Loz breath of the wild shrine guide: zalta wa shrine "two orbs to guide you"
Since nobody is doing it here's my first installment of Loz shrine guides.
Find the orb on a platform on the right side of the room. Surrounded by a pit the ball lies on a pedestal. Freeze the ball in time, throw a bomb, immediately detonate the bomb, making sure the ball flies to the back left corner of the room. Grab the ball and toss it into the orange socket.
Once done a door opens up revealing a second ball. Simply grab it, walk to the square orange switch on the left, then toss it into the open room.
This starts a conveyer belt above. Go to the middle of the room stand on the square in front of the odd looking vertical orange light. Schwak the light and watch as the platform shoots you up into the air. Time the launch so that you shoot up right as the conveyor platform above is heading towards you. Use the glider to land in the conveyor opening, then simply walk up the ramps to get the orb.
Find the orb on a platform on the right side of the room. Surrounded by a pit the ball lies on a pedestal. Freeze the ball in time, throw a bomb, immediately detonate the bomb, making sure the ball flies to the back left corner of the room. Grab the ball and toss it into the orange socket.
Once done a door opens up revealing a second ball. Simply grab it, walk to the square orange switch on the left, then toss it into the open room.
This starts a conveyer belt above. Go to the middle of the room stand on the square in front of the odd looking vertical orange light. Schwak the light and watch as the platform shoots you up into the air. Time the launch so that you shoot up right as the conveyor platform above is heading towards you. Use the glider to land in the conveyor opening, then simply walk up the ramps to get the orb.
Tuesday, January 24, 2017
war
the united states record for fighting wars that we personally started has really only one win. after the british left we pretty much lost EVERY war we ever started. even when we started a war with ourselves we STILL lost. like the civil war ended,
then we were like, "no! no rights for the people who we fought for!"
like in regards to us starting fights, we are like the kid at school picking fights with everyone he doesnt like.
then when someone fights back were like, "oh god no! no! dont touch me!"
then he drops his pants and runs circles while peeing.
when it comes to defending others we are a great nation to turn to. like we KICK ASS when it comes to other peoples safety. but when we start fights we keep fighting even when we are wrong for starting them. like everyone has left the schoolyard and gone home.
even the person we were fighting was like, "screw this, i gotta get home and piss."
and meanwhile we are throwing punches at ourselves alone in an empty lot like,
"oh, you think you can make fun of me? bitch i will kick your ass."
then, "man you punch like a fat kid with autism"
"man I AM a fat kid with autism!"
like we lost the fight and were still fucking stomping the crap out of our own nuts.
vietnam, bagdad, the cold war
even when the cold war and cuban missile crisis ended and nobody won we STILL made ourselves look like idiots.
like, "hey the nukes are falling! quick get under your desks! theyre made of adamantium and they will protect you from the power of 1000 suns!"
REALLY?! when the bomb comes the desk will be gone. if i were alive back then id be dropping my pants, walking in a circle, quacking like a duck, and peeing on the floor. like if there really IS a bomb who the hell will care what the hell people did during their final moments?
"oh a ticket? my car was towed? im fired? its raining? [sirens start blaring] well fuck me...might as well screw my hot neighbor and cross breed an octupus with a naked porcupine."
i just find it hilarious that ben carson, a notable and brilliant african american man. is going to be in a room with a bunch of white ass [insert chosen slang here...maybe "blanco de perro"] with clan support connections alone. and nobody there knows what the hell they are supposed to be doing.
if they ever have an emergency hes going to be like, "hey why yall locking the doors to the room and lowering the shades?"
and theyll be like, "dont you worry. we have something important to discuss with you."
and ben will be like, "you all dont know what the hell we are even supposed to be doing here. do you?"
and the president will be like, "hey, relax. we have russia handling all the united states problems. with a name like russia they have to be faster at doing things that are important."
then for no reason the koolade man crashes through the wall and mayor cheeseburger gets shot.
then we were like, "no! no rights for the people who we fought for!"
like in regards to us starting fights, we are like the kid at school picking fights with everyone he doesnt like.
then when someone fights back were like, "oh god no! no! dont touch me!"
then he drops his pants and runs circles while peeing.
when it comes to defending others we are a great nation to turn to. like we KICK ASS when it comes to other peoples safety. but when we start fights we keep fighting even when we are wrong for starting them. like everyone has left the schoolyard and gone home.
even the person we were fighting was like, "screw this, i gotta get home and piss."
and meanwhile we are throwing punches at ourselves alone in an empty lot like,
"oh, you think you can make fun of me? bitch i will kick your ass."
then, "man you punch like a fat kid with autism"
"man I AM a fat kid with autism!"
like we lost the fight and were still fucking stomping the crap out of our own nuts.
vietnam, bagdad, the cold war
even when the cold war and cuban missile crisis ended and nobody won we STILL made ourselves look like idiots.
like, "hey the nukes are falling! quick get under your desks! theyre made of adamantium and they will protect you from the power of 1000 suns!"
REALLY?! when the bomb comes the desk will be gone. if i were alive back then id be dropping my pants, walking in a circle, quacking like a duck, and peeing on the floor. like if there really IS a bomb who the hell will care what the hell people did during their final moments?
"oh a ticket? my car was towed? im fired? its raining? [sirens start blaring] well fuck me...might as well screw my hot neighbor and cross breed an octupus with a naked porcupine."
i just find it hilarious that ben carson, a notable and brilliant african american man. is going to be in a room with a bunch of white ass [insert chosen slang here...maybe "blanco de perro"] with clan support connections alone. and nobody there knows what the hell they are supposed to be doing.
if they ever have an emergency hes going to be like, "hey why yall locking the doors to the room and lowering the shades?"
and theyll be like, "dont you worry. we have something important to discuss with you."
and ben will be like, "you all dont know what the hell we are even supposed to be doing here. do you?"
and the president will be like, "hey, relax. we have russia handling all the united states problems. with a name like russia they have to be faster at doing things that are important."
then for no reason the koolade man crashes through the wall and mayor cheeseburger gets shot.
and now ladies and gentlemen [and non-specific genderless amorphos of all years] the 2017 inaugural preschool graduation [edit-05172018]-2256
guy one [watching cspan]: "hey cool! they got this new reality show about the president. its so funny, i cant wait to see what happens next!"
guy two: dude thats not a reality show. thats real life, its really happening.
guy one [walks into the other room].
guy two: hey esse where you goin man?
guy one [from the other room]: man imma motha f$%&in kill myself. maybe i get reincarnated into a world that aint a bunch a white ass crackas bein stupid.
[neighbor walks in]
neighbor: hey man, whats he doin in there?
guy two: oh, hey esse, he tryin to keel himself.
neighbor: what the hell for?
guy two: he tryin to get himself to a life where things make sense.
neighbor: oh thats great and all, but he aint doin it right.
guy two: what you mean chicano?
neighbor: well hes got a bag of doritos in one hand and a remote in the other. and hes on some site called "pornhub".
guy two: wait...whats the remote for?
neighbor: hell if i know, but im gettin my ass in there. i want some damn doritos.
[neighbor walks into the other room]
guy two [now watching cspan, trump playing patty cake with a toddler]: man screw this. i want some doritos, too.
guy two: dude thats not a reality show. thats real life, its really happening.
guy one [walks into the other room].
guy two: hey esse where you goin man?
guy one [from the other room]: man imma motha f$%&in kill myself. maybe i get reincarnated into a world that aint a bunch a white ass crackas bein stupid.
[neighbor walks in]
neighbor: hey man, whats he doin in there?
guy two: oh, hey esse, he tryin to keel himself.
neighbor: what the hell for?
guy two: he tryin to get himself to a life where things make sense.
neighbor: oh thats great and all, but he aint doin it right.
guy two: what you mean chicano?
neighbor: well hes got a bag of doritos in one hand and a remote in the other. and hes on some site called "pornhub".
guy two: wait...whats the remote for?
neighbor: hell if i know, but im gettin my ass in there. i want some damn doritos.
[neighbor walks into the other room]
guy two [now watching cspan, trump playing patty cake with a toddler]: man screw this. i want some doritos, too.
"doritos....the snack you reach for when the president finally goes to their preschool graduation. 'munch the crunch, punch the stunts, muncha-buncha-cruncha-trumpa-doritos!'"
[edit-05172018]-2256
you know...when i made this i had no idea... that they were going to make this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5iDw6lPjl4
i mean, what. the !@#$.
[edit-05172018]-2256
you know...when i made this i had no idea... that they were going to make this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5iDw6lPjl4
i mean, what. the !@#$.
Friday, January 13, 2017
computer madness [tech tips for the young, old, or cheap]
so i think its time i say a few pointers about technology here. things to remember BEFORE you try to modify your computers.
1. the bios section is accessed through one of the following keys: [f1 through f12, or further depending on your computer.] just tap each one twice soon after the computer turns on, but BEFORE it loads the os [operating system]. or read the screen to see what to press. if the "f" keys dont work immediately then watch the screen while tapping them. it should say what to press.
2. never, i repeat NEVER remove/uninstall the only drivers you have on the device. such as the sound drivers. unless you want an electronic finger puppet mime.
3. if you download the os from microsoft, dell, etc. know it is free because it is a PREVIEW BUILD. This means that you get to use it and test it but it will NOT have internet drivers installed.
4. NEVER remove ALL your internet programs unless you never want to see the world wide web again.
5. http stands for hyper text transmit/transfer protocol.
6. ALWAYS check referencing online what operating systems your device is eligible with. [if its a tablet or tablet hybrid it wont work with anything before windows 8].
7. in the bios menu you can change settings like "boot order", charging settings, usb settings, and most importantly you can set up the computer or tablet to CHARGE DEVICES PLUGGED IN even when the computer isnt plugged into a charger.
8. keylogging software is very useful for tracking activity on a computer. but if not used carefully or monitored right will fill up the hard drive FAST. NEVER set the keylogging software to run in the background without a means of physically opening it. if you do be sure to set up an external storage device to store any data. otherwise the keylogger will fill up the hard drive till it has no space. and attempts to access logged data may be impossible if you set up the data to be inaccesible by the user. dont bother removing or replacing the hard drive or even uninstalling the os. if you replace the drive it will just fill it up again and render it unusable. if you reinstall the os it will work, but only till the keylogger reclogs the drive. the only option in this case is the nuclear option [nuclear being just blowing up or destroying the computer. which in the case of an unfixable error that renders it a dead gimp, actually relieves a great amount of the stress it caused.]
9. audio drivers must be updated MANUALLY through the control panel "audio devices" settings. you must enable editing of the driver before proceeding.
10. external disc drives can always be used to install the os, given that it can be run by your device.
11. virus protection is NOT included nor is it free. you need antivirus, trojan, and malware protection. i suggest (*1)malwarebytes anti malware, (*2)norton antivirus, (*3)"the cleaner" from moosoft [cant really verify that one, or keep the antivirus program that comes with the new computer [which is really a pos].
12. microsoft office license keys can only be used once. if your device crashes or breaks you will need to call customer service to deactivate the key and device it was used on.
13. phone insurance plans, while convenient, are actually rather pointless. (*4)the deductible is huge [up to 1000 dollars at times], and anything besides the device breaking completely, the screen totally smashing, the display frying, or being lost or stolen; you will have to pay out the butt for repairs. local repair centers often charge less. [or in the case your phone battery explodes like a deprived rabbit in a bunny adoption center, the entire company plus some poor terminal floor carpeting business pay out the- well you read that already below.
14. never try to screw with the bluetooth drivers, they are the most common cause of corruption in a windows os.
15. you know that silverlight thing in your list of programs? NEVER remove that.
16. ctrl, alt, delete/backspace one after another sequentially will give you the option of opening the task manager. using the task manager you can check what programs are running [and in the details section see what is taking the most memory].
17. in relation to^, you ever have those annoying pos pop up things while browsing the internet? the ones that say "your computer has been found using illegal activity and all contents are being reported to the fbi" or something like that? then you cant close it for some reason and you have to turn off the computer, losing all that hard work on social media wondering whether kim k. is really just a pile of excess lipo fat given sentience by some unholy thing? well dont shut off the computer. use ctrl[control], alt, delete/backspace in sequential order [one after another holding down the last key you typed]. open the task manager. then close the internet browser running that bitchin bitch ass pop up. if you dont want to lose your work use (*5)google chrome, it saves your browsing history. but if you do use chrome, be warned as that popup will just keep showing up if you restore your previous session.
18. firefox is a good internet program as is internet explorer [edge browser], however firefox is renowned as a company that was so anti lgbtqp that they publicly stated outcry against them. [now everyone is entitled to their own opinion, with any opinion stated where facts disavow it. and people should be allowed to believe what they wish. opression is a bad thing whether opressin good or bad. i dont condone what firefox does but i wont deprive them the right to express it. and edge is annoying as it doesnt allow integration of certain apps and addons.
19. want a text program that works on phones and computers that can be accesed anywhere? (*6)inkpadnotepad. you can create unlimited notes and text files and sync them through any mobile device or computer. its free, and even allows the change of list types and order. remember to turn off auto sync in the settings before you use as you get a limited number of syncs per day.
20. check your computer to see whether it runs 64bit or 32bit os before installing or buying an operating system for it. or not. if you install 32bit on 64bit its fun to watch the device blow up [figuratively]. some devices CAN run the opposite os [such as the venue 11 pro], but only under certain conditions.
21. click "prevent this page from creating further dialogues" to prevent pop up sites from repeatedly refusing to go down [giggidy]
22. in the bios settings of a computer you can choose to bypass a computer password if you cant... errr... lets say REMEMBER... yeah lets use THAT as an excuse for why someone would do THIS. cause really theres only two reasons why you would: either you forgot the password... or someones about to do something they really shouldnt be doing at this time. or this location. or this day, or this era. ooor this "website" persay.
23. when your computer says "dont turn off the computer" DONT TURN OFF THE FUCKING COMPUTER.
24. boot loop can often be bypassed through the bios menu.
25. if you change the desktop background on a computer being used on multiple devices through a single precisely same account it will change on EVERY device currently in use under that account. useful for: sending secret messages, playing chess or hangman [tic tac toe, etc.], sending fun art made on the computer, playing the "word game" [one person types a letter, signs, then sends the image so the next person can add a letter or word.], the one word story game [same as the "word game" only instead of letters you add one word at a time to make a f*!#ed up story], or to screw with someone using the other computer [via xxxxxxxxx].
25. microsoft word documents can only be opened in microsoft word. to save them in a format that can be used freely till you get access to word again use the "notepad" program standard with every computer. or use inkpad.
26. when you delete a file, folder, or thing off a computer, external drive, or even mobile device it is not actually "deleted". even if you wipe the device. programs like: norton [yes thats right, norton also has file recovery software built in], (*7)yodot file recovery software, and a program simply called "(*8)recovery" can all allow you to find any files accidentally [or intentionally deleted]. no matter how long ago they WERE deleted. just dont create a similar folder, remember in recovery tiote!
27. the best program [free] for cleaning up disk space is (*9)ccleaner. it can remove all kinds of files that can take up space on a device. never click the last set of cleaning options [unless you know what you are removing], with "previous windows installation" being an exception. only remove that previous windows version if you dont want to revert back.
28. a good video player is (*10)vlcplayer. however recent updates resulted in a debuff to the audio amplifier. reducing it to only 125% [200% originally]. they say that the new 125% is the same as the maxed out 200% [which is total bull].
29. (*11)internet download manager is one of the best programs to legally download video, audio, and general things from online. it is only free for 30 days, after which you must buy a license. the license is only about 24.95 for one lifetime use on a single computer. or 20 dollars for more than one [20 per computer]. (*12)theres a glitch in the programming of old versions of idm but they patched it out.
30. for anyone who games there are emulators out there. emulators allow you to run and play things called "roms" so you can relive those old fun games you used to enjoy free of charge. talking about emulators is legal [contrary to what everyone says]. anything about roms is NOT. so even if you ask i wont tell you anything. unless you meet me in person. also contrary to belief is cheat codes are NOT illegal. unless you wire a lag switch into your console [if you do your a terrible person if you use it in online play. and sony, microsoft, and/or steam will permanently ban your account, rightfully so.]
good emulators for (*13)microsoft are: vba: gameboy advance down to gameboy color, dolphin: gamecube and wii, pcsx2: playstation 2, epsxe: playstation 1
in the case of android i highly (*14)suggest: classicboy emulator [everything up to ps1], drastic nintendo ds emulator, epsxe [playstation], myboy [gba], mega64 [nintendo 64], ppsspp [psp].
31. there are things called (*15)"rom hacks" that are basically free versions of the super mario maker games. only the people who make them are insane dicks, and the people who play them are hilarious.
32. if you want a good program to conserve battery life on mobile devices try battery doctor.
33. when setting up a new mobile device or laptop be sure to run through every setting from top to bottom so as to conserve batter life.
34. on android devices be sure to close all open programs often as they can slow down the devices. [often found via holding down the home button.]
35. apple devices can also close open programs via holding down the center button at the bottom of the screen.
36. all phones and computers can be tracked through gps. regardless of whether its on or the battery is charged. your microphone and camera can also be activated remotely through the same method. whats more is your personal data can be stolen via nfc. the only way to stop this is to remove the battery. [perhaps the reason they got rid of removable batteries is to prevent this?]
37. chip readers on phones and in cards can actually have info stolen if the other person has one of the readers that were made for such purposes.
38. those rfid chips that are on products in stores [the ones that look like a flattened butter dish, white, and stuck in the bottom that set off the alarms] can actually be tracked via radio frequency scanners.
39. conversations can be recorded via vibrations through glass [think cans on string]
40. the self checkout isles that use weighted scales have a glitch sometimes [where if you place an item after scanning, scan another item then place it, then remove the items and place them in bags]. the scanner then misreads the weight and requires you to remove the last item scanned. you can remove ALL the bags and items currently on the item table and the checkout scanner wont know that you did this. someone could place something without an rfid tag in a bag on the scale and then continue scanning. this method can be repeated again and again in order. if someone took advantage of this they could theoretically steal things that were untagged and the alarm would NEVER go off. causing stores to lose profits and goods. [i swear if i find out you did this i will find out what state you live in and send a glitter bomb to your home and call the cops. its not ok to steal, unless to prove a hilarious point about the sheer stupidity and ignorance of a jackass cheap store.]
41. data transfer is faster when you move files directly from a drive.
42. device screen size is measured via diagonal hypotenuse.
43. wifi uses more battery than data alone.
44. twc while cheaper has shittier service than at&t and direct tv has bad installers. [they tried to break holes in my walls, knocked over expensive things, and halfway through the workers son broke in and walked into my home uninvited and struck up an argument with his father. asking if he could drive the truck later if he found a date. "you aint ever gonna get a damn date" was the dads response. great service!
45. windows 10 has many many negative reviews. it is also responsible for about 7 of my computers breaking.
46. before paying a geek squad representative or tech assistant agent to help fix your devices be sure to google [or rather bing cause i hate google] everything you can including: error codes, messages, file names, and direct quoted versions of the issues you are having. often times issues can be resolved without paying greedy tech support assistants.
47. less ram means less power and speed for a device.
48. if your os stops working before you can get your files off you will NEVER get them back.
49. (*16)carbonite is a better online storage service the the cloud [which is just a big friggin tower just waiting to fall if you ask me. have we learned nothing from the great depression?]
50. never stream live radio. iheartradio, pandora internet radio, and tunein radio all offer free radio service.
51. there is a program called (*17)extreme picture finder. it is the best program for picture searching. if you need photos for a school project or are just bored and want something to do just use extreme picture finder. very simple and easy, but BEWARE as it has a tendency to occaisionally download files mixed with viruses. so use at your own risk and always ALWAYS use a virus protection program.
52. for a better computer and no need for virus protection just get a mac. apple computers and mobile devices have better protection from viruses and hacking. apple mobile devices also have waaaaay more badass sound quality than android devices.
53. use your music player, ANY music player. type in the name of a song or a single letter. hit play. turn on shuffle. hit the "next song" button. repeat. repeat. repeat. now go to the mobile device and media player designers and complain. tell them "fucking fix the search and shuffle issue so that it shuffles to a random song in your list of songs, instead of THIS friggin thing."
(*1) - malwarebytes antimalware official website link here: https://www.malwarebytes.com/
(*2) - norton antivirus homepage link here: https://us.norton.com/ [norton is, in my opinion, the BEST antivirus software out there. great user interface, incredible protection, and subscriptions last a year and can be used on multiple devices. plus the their online user interface is honestly VERY easy to use. you can deactivate any device you no longer use to free a subscription.]
(*3) - "The Cleaner was created in response to the Back Orifice trojan. It was claimed by the authors of this trojan that it was unstoppable and undetectable." i just thought that was hilarious. "the 'black orifice' ;trojan' is unstoppable and undetecable"...well thats interesting to know.
(*4) - the deductible is what you must pay yourself out of pocket before the subscriber [you would be the subscribee] will pay anything. [high deductible=you pay out the ass, low deductible=THEY pay out the ass, NO deductible=everyone BUT you pays out the ass, mouth, ears, eyes, nose, and any other orificees conceivable by the megaverse.]
(*5) - google chrome is an internet browser that is available to run on any windows computer, any android device, any apple device, and even some game consoles. it shares your favorites across ANY device its synced and installed. it also can run usefull addons and popup blockers.
(*6) - inkpad notepad is an app and a website run through gmail. found here: http://www.inkpadnotepad.com/
(*7) - yodot file recovery software can be found here: http://www.yodot.com/
(*8) - the program "recovery" is a hard to find program that allows the recovery of files that have been deleted, including entire folders. it is free, however buggy, and must be run as an administrator. recovery is one item at a time and by name and search only. other revocery programs cost money.
(*9) - ccleaner can be found here: https://www.piriform.com/CCLEANER
(*10) - vlcplayer can be found here: http://www.videolan.org/vlc/
(*11) - idm can be found here: http://internetdownloadmanager.com/ the page to buy can be found here: https://secure.internetdownloadmanager.com/buy_idm.html
(*12) - nope. will not go into this one. e-mail me for more info. this one is a secret. and like all secrets has certain "qualifications" before i will reveal it.
(*13) - epsxe, pcsx2, and dolphin really only function well on more powerful computers. also they all require extra files to run correctly. i can e-mail the files if needed. for dolphin i can send a zipped archive of my own personal settings which have already been optimized for maximum use. or feel free to modify them to your own wants and/or needs.
(*14) - info on the android emulators can be found here: http://www.androidauthority.com/immortal-conquest-742856/ [be warned as they cost money to use on android devices].
(*15) - check out the following youtube members for their videos:
proton jon:
[https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCk1Fo1TfTOFWRhffJGvDSUg]
tehmorag [funny videos and playthroughs]:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvJIVzMnPTB266R0EgM2OLw
azureblade49:
https://www.youtube.com/user/AzureBlade49
icrangirl:
https://www.youtube.com/user/icrangirl
egoraptor [this guy is HILARIOUS]:
https://www.youtube.com/user/egoraptor
1. the bios section is accessed through one of the following keys: [f1 through f12, or further depending on your computer.] just tap each one twice soon after the computer turns on, but BEFORE it loads the os [operating system]. or read the screen to see what to press. if the "f" keys dont work immediately then watch the screen while tapping them. it should say what to press.
2. never, i repeat NEVER remove/uninstall the only drivers you have on the device. such as the sound drivers. unless you want an electronic finger puppet mime.
3. if you download the os from microsoft, dell, etc. know it is free because it is a PREVIEW BUILD. This means that you get to use it and test it but it will NOT have internet drivers installed.
4. NEVER remove ALL your internet programs unless you never want to see the world wide web again.
5. http stands for hyper text transmit/transfer protocol.
6. ALWAYS check referencing online what operating systems your device is eligible with. [if its a tablet or tablet hybrid it wont work with anything before windows 8].
7. in the bios menu you can change settings like "boot order", charging settings, usb settings, and most importantly you can set up the computer or tablet to CHARGE DEVICES PLUGGED IN even when the computer isnt plugged into a charger.
8. keylogging software is very useful for tracking activity on a computer. but if not used carefully or monitored right will fill up the hard drive FAST. NEVER set the keylogging software to run in the background without a means of physically opening it. if you do be sure to set up an external storage device to store any data. otherwise the keylogger will fill up the hard drive till it has no space. and attempts to access logged data may be impossible if you set up the data to be inaccesible by the user. dont bother removing or replacing the hard drive or even uninstalling the os. if you replace the drive it will just fill it up again and render it unusable. if you reinstall the os it will work, but only till the keylogger reclogs the drive. the only option in this case is the nuclear option [nuclear being just blowing up or destroying the computer. which in the case of an unfixable error that renders it a dead gimp, actually relieves a great amount of the stress it caused.]
9. audio drivers must be updated MANUALLY through the control panel "audio devices" settings. you must enable editing of the driver before proceeding.
10. external disc drives can always be used to install the os, given that it can be run by your device.
11. virus protection is NOT included nor is it free. you need antivirus, trojan, and malware protection. i suggest (*1)malwarebytes anti malware, (*2)norton antivirus, (*3)"the cleaner" from moosoft [cant really verify that one, or keep the antivirus program that comes with the new computer [which is really a pos].
12. microsoft office license keys can only be used once. if your device crashes or breaks you will need to call customer service to deactivate the key and device it was used on.
13. phone insurance plans, while convenient, are actually rather pointless. (*4)the deductible is huge [up to 1000 dollars at times], and anything besides the device breaking completely, the screen totally smashing, the display frying, or being lost or stolen; you will have to pay out the butt for repairs. local repair centers often charge less. [or in the case your phone battery explodes like a deprived rabbit in a bunny adoption center, the entire company plus some poor terminal floor carpeting business pay out the- well you read that already below.
14. never try to screw with the bluetooth drivers, they are the most common cause of corruption in a windows os.
15. you know that silverlight thing in your list of programs? NEVER remove that.
16. ctrl, alt, delete/backspace one after another sequentially will give you the option of opening the task manager. using the task manager you can check what programs are running [and in the details section see what is taking the most memory].
17. in relation to^, you ever have those annoying pos pop up things while browsing the internet? the ones that say "your computer has been found using illegal activity and all contents are being reported to the fbi" or something like that? then you cant close it for some reason and you have to turn off the computer, losing all that hard work on social media wondering whether kim k. is really just a pile of excess lipo fat given sentience by some unholy thing? well dont shut off the computer. use ctrl[control], alt, delete/backspace in sequential order [one after another holding down the last key you typed]. open the task manager. then close the internet browser running that bitchin bitch ass pop up. if you dont want to lose your work use (*5)google chrome, it saves your browsing history. but if you do use chrome, be warned as that popup will just keep showing up if you restore your previous session.
18. firefox is a good internet program as is internet explorer [edge browser], however firefox is renowned as a company that was so anti lgbtqp that they publicly stated outcry against them. [now everyone is entitled to their own opinion, with any opinion stated where facts disavow it. and people should be allowed to believe what they wish. opression is a bad thing whether opressin good or bad. i dont condone what firefox does but i wont deprive them the right to express it. and edge is annoying as it doesnt allow integration of certain apps and addons.
19. want a text program that works on phones and computers that can be accesed anywhere? (*6)inkpadnotepad. you can create unlimited notes and text files and sync them through any mobile device or computer. its free, and even allows the change of list types and order. remember to turn off auto sync in the settings before you use as you get a limited number of syncs per day.
20. check your computer to see whether it runs 64bit or 32bit os before installing or buying an operating system for it. or not. if you install 32bit on 64bit its fun to watch the device blow up [figuratively]. some devices CAN run the opposite os [such as the venue 11 pro], but only under certain conditions.
21. click "prevent this page from creating further dialogues" to prevent pop up sites from repeatedly refusing to go down [giggidy]
22. in the bios settings of a computer you can choose to bypass a computer password if you cant... errr... lets say REMEMBER... yeah lets use THAT as an excuse for why someone would do THIS. cause really theres only two reasons why you would: either you forgot the password... or someones about to do something they really shouldnt be doing at this time. or this location. or this day, or this era. ooor this "website" persay.
23. when your computer says "dont turn off the computer" DONT TURN OFF THE FUCKING COMPUTER.
24. boot loop can often be bypassed through the bios menu.
25. if you change the desktop background on a computer being used on multiple devices through a single precisely same account it will change on EVERY device currently in use under that account. useful for: sending secret messages, playing chess or hangman [tic tac toe, etc.], sending fun art made on the computer, playing the "word game" [one person types a letter, signs, then sends the image so the next person can add a letter or word.], the one word story game [same as the "word game" only instead of letters you add one word at a time to make a f*!#ed up story], or to screw with someone using the other computer [via xxxxxxxxx].
25. microsoft word documents can only be opened in microsoft word. to save them in a format that can be used freely till you get access to word again use the "notepad" program standard with every computer. or use inkpad.
26. when you delete a file, folder, or thing off a computer, external drive, or even mobile device it is not actually "deleted". even if you wipe the device. programs like: norton [yes thats right, norton also has file recovery software built in], (*7)yodot file recovery software, and a program simply called "(*8)recovery" can all allow you to find any files accidentally [or intentionally deleted]. no matter how long ago they WERE deleted. just dont create a similar folder, remember in recovery tiote!
27. the best program [free] for cleaning up disk space is (*9)ccleaner. it can remove all kinds of files that can take up space on a device. never click the last set of cleaning options [unless you know what you are removing], with "previous windows installation" being an exception. only remove that previous windows version if you dont want to revert back.
28. a good video player is (*10)vlcplayer. however recent updates resulted in a debuff to the audio amplifier. reducing it to only 125% [200% originally]. they say that the new 125% is the same as the maxed out 200% [which is total bull].
29. (*11)internet download manager is one of the best programs to legally download video, audio, and general things from online. it is only free for 30 days, after which you must buy a license. the license is only about 24.95 for one lifetime use on a single computer. or 20 dollars for more than one [20 per computer]. (*12)theres a glitch in the programming of old versions of idm but they patched it out.
30. for anyone who games there are emulators out there. emulators allow you to run and play things called "roms" so you can relive those old fun games you used to enjoy free of charge. talking about emulators is legal [contrary to what everyone says]. anything about roms is NOT. so even if you ask i wont tell you anything. unless you meet me in person. also contrary to belief is cheat codes are NOT illegal. unless you wire a lag switch into your console [if you do your a terrible person if you use it in online play. and sony, microsoft, and/or steam will permanently ban your account, rightfully so.]
good emulators for (*13)microsoft are: vba: gameboy advance down to gameboy color, dolphin: gamecube and wii, pcsx2: playstation 2, epsxe: playstation 1
in the case of android i highly (*14)suggest: classicboy emulator [everything up to ps1], drastic nintendo ds emulator, epsxe [playstation], myboy [gba], mega64 [nintendo 64], ppsspp [psp].
31. there are things called (*15)"rom hacks" that are basically free versions of the super mario maker games. only the people who make them are insane dicks, and the people who play them are hilarious.
32. if you want a good program to conserve battery life on mobile devices try battery doctor.
33. when setting up a new mobile device or laptop be sure to run through every setting from top to bottom so as to conserve batter life.
34. on android devices be sure to close all open programs often as they can slow down the devices. [often found via holding down the home button.]
35. apple devices can also close open programs via holding down the center button at the bottom of the screen.
36. all phones and computers can be tracked through gps. regardless of whether its on or the battery is charged. your microphone and camera can also be activated remotely through the same method. whats more is your personal data can be stolen via nfc. the only way to stop this is to remove the battery. [perhaps the reason they got rid of removable batteries is to prevent this?]
37. chip readers on phones and in cards can actually have info stolen if the other person has one of the readers that were made for such purposes.
38. those rfid chips that are on products in stores [the ones that look like a flattened butter dish, white, and stuck in the bottom that set off the alarms] can actually be tracked via radio frequency scanners.
39. conversations can be recorded via vibrations through glass [think cans on string]
40. the self checkout isles that use weighted scales have a glitch sometimes [where if you place an item after scanning, scan another item then place it, then remove the items and place them in bags]. the scanner then misreads the weight and requires you to remove the last item scanned. you can remove ALL the bags and items currently on the item table and the checkout scanner wont know that you did this. someone could place something without an rfid tag in a bag on the scale and then continue scanning. this method can be repeated again and again in order. if someone took advantage of this they could theoretically steal things that were untagged and the alarm would NEVER go off. causing stores to lose profits and goods. [i swear if i find out you did this i will find out what state you live in and send a glitter bomb to your home and call the cops. its not ok to steal, unless to prove a hilarious point about the sheer stupidity and ignorance of a jackass cheap store.]
41. data transfer is faster when you move files directly from a drive.
42. device screen size is measured via diagonal hypotenuse.
43. wifi uses more battery than data alone.
44. twc while cheaper has shittier service than at&t and direct tv has bad installers. [they tried to break holes in my walls, knocked over expensive things, and halfway through the workers son broke in and walked into my home uninvited and struck up an argument with his father. asking if he could drive the truck later if he found a date. "you aint ever gonna get a damn date" was the dads response. great service!
45. windows 10 has many many negative reviews. it is also responsible for about 7 of my computers breaking.
46. before paying a geek squad representative or tech assistant agent to help fix your devices be sure to google [or rather bing cause i hate google] everything you can including: error codes, messages, file names, and direct quoted versions of the issues you are having. often times issues can be resolved without paying greedy tech support assistants.
47. less ram means less power and speed for a device.
48. if your os stops working before you can get your files off you will NEVER get them back.
49. (*16)carbonite is a better online storage service the the cloud [which is just a big friggin tower just waiting to fall if you ask me. have we learned nothing from the great depression?]
50. never stream live radio. iheartradio, pandora internet radio, and tunein radio all offer free radio service.
51. there is a program called (*17)extreme picture finder. it is the best program for picture searching. if you need photos for a school project or are just bored and want something to do just use extreme picture finder. very simple and easy, but BEWARE as it has a tendency to occaisionally download files mixed with viruses. so use at your own risk and always ALWAYS use a virus protection program.
52. for a better computer and no need for virus protection just get a mac. apple computers and mobile devices have better protection from viruses and hacking. apple mobile devices also have waaaaay more badass sound quality than android devices.
53. use your music player, ANY music player. type in the name of a song or a single letter. hit play. turn on shuffle. hit the "next song" button. repeat. repeat. repeat. now go to the mobile device and media player designers and complain. tell them "fucking fix the search and shuffle issue so that it shuffles to a random song in your list of songs, instead of THIS friggin thing."
(*1) - malwarebytes antimalware official website link here: https://www.malwarebytes.com/
(*2) - norton antivirus homepage link here: https://us.norton.com/ [norton is, in my opinion, the BEST antivirus software out there. great user interface, incredible protection, and subscriptions last a year and can be used on multiple devices. plus the their online user interface is honestly VERY easy to use. you can deactivate any device you no longer use to free a subscription.]
(*3) - "The Cleaner was created in response to the Back Orifice trojan. It was claimed by the authors of this trojan that it was unstoppable and undetectable." i just thought that was hilarious. "the 'black orifice' ;trojan' is unstoppable and undetecable"...well thats interesting to know.
(*4) - the deductible is what you must pay yourself out of pocket before the subscriber [you would be the subscribee] will pay anything. [high deductible=you pay out the ass, low deductible=THEY pay out the ass, NO deductible=everyone BUT you pays out the ass, mouth, ears, eyes, nose, and any other orificees conceivable by the megaverse.]
(*5) - google chrome is an internet browser that is available to run on any windows computer, any android device, any apple device, and even some game consoles. it shares your favorites across ANY device its synced and installed. it also can run usefull addons and popup blockers.
(*6) - inkpad notepad is an app and a website run through gmail. found here: http://www.inkpadnotepad.com/
(*7) - yodot file recovery software can be found here: http://www.yodot.com/
(*8) - the program "recovery" is a hard to find program that allows the recovery of files that have been deleted, including entire folders. it is free, however buggy, and must be run as an administrator. recovery is one item at a time and by name and search only. other revocery programs cost money.
(*9) - ccleaner can be found here: https://www.piriform.com/CCLEANER
(*10) - vlcplayer can be found here: http://www.videolan.org/vlc/
(*11) - idm can be found here: http://internetdownloadmanager.com/ the page to buy can be found here: https://secure.internetdownloadmanager.com/buy_idm.html
(*12) - nope. will not go into this one. e-mail me for more info. this one is a secret. and like all secrets has certain "qualifications" before i will reveal it.
(*13) - epsxe, pcsx2, and dolphin really only function well on more powerful computers. also they all require extra files to run correctly. i can e-mail the files if needed. for dolphin i can send a zipped archive of my own personal settings which have already been optimized for maximum use. or feel free to modify them to your own wants and/or needs.
(*14) - info on the android emulators can be found here: http://www.androidauthority.com/immortal-conquest-742856/ [be warned as they cost money to use on android devices].
(*15) - check out the following youtube members for their videos:
proton jon:
[https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCk1Fo1TfTOFWRhffJGvDSUg]
tehmorag [funny videos and playthroughs]:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvJIVzMnPTB266R0EgM2OLw
azureblade49:
https://www.youtube.com/user/AzureBlade49
icrangirl:
https://www.youtube.com/user/icrangirl
egoraptor [this guy is HILARIOUS]:
https://www.youtube.com/user/egoraptor
(*16) - carbonite can be found here: https://www.carbonite.com/
(*17) - extreme picture finder can be found here: http://www.exisoftware.com/
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