and now ladies and gentlemen [and non-specific genderless amorphos of all years] the 2017 inaugural preschool graduation [edit-05172018]-2256

guy one [watching cspan]: "hey cool! they got this new reality show about the president. its so funny, i cant wait to see what happens next!"
guy two: dude thats not a reality show. thats real life, its really happening.
guy one [walks into the other room].
guy two: hey esse where you goin man?
guy one [from the other room]: man imma motha f$%&in kill myself. maybe i get reincarnated into a world that aint a bunch a white ass crackas bein stupid.
[neighbor walks in]
neighbor: hey man, whats he doin in there?
guy two: oh, hey esse, he tryin to keel himself.
neighbor: what the hell for?
guy two: he tryin to get himself to a life where things make sense.
neighbor: oh thats great and all, but he aint doin it right.
guy two: what you mean chicano?
neighbor: well hes got a bag of doritos in one hand and a remote in the other. and hes on some site called "pornhub".
guy two: wait...whats the remote for?
neighbor: hell if i know, but im gettin my ass in there. i want some damn doritos.
[neighbor walks into the other room]
guy two [now watching cspan, trump playing patty cake with a toddler]: man screw this. i want some doritos, too.

"doritos....the snack you reach for when the president finally goes to their preschool graduation. 'munch the crunch, punch the stunts, muncha-buncha-cruncha-trumpa-doritos!'"

[edit-05172018]-2256
you know...when i made this i had no idea... that they were going to make this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5iDw6lPjl4

i mean, what. the !@#$.