war

the united states record for fighting wars that we personally started has really only one win. after the british left we pretty much lost EVERY war we ever started. even when we started a war with ourselves we STILL lost. like the civil war ended,
then we were like, "no! no rights for the people who we fought for!"
like in regards to us starting fights, we are like the kid at school picking fights with everyone he doesnt like.
then when someone fights back were like, "oh god no! no! dont touch me!"
 then he drops his pants and runs circles while peeing.
when it comes to defending others we are a great nation to turn to. like we KICK ASS when it comes to other peoples safety. but when we start fights we keep fighting even when we are wrong for starting them. like everyone has left the schoolyard and gone home.
even the person we were fighting was like, "screw this, i gotta get home and piss."
and meanwhile we are throwing punches at ourselves alone in an empty lot like,
"oh, you think you can make fun of me? bitch i will kick your ass."
then, "man you punch like a fat kid with autism"
"man I AM a fat kid with autism!"
like we lost the fight and were still fucking stomping the crap out of our own nuts.
vietnam, bagdad, the cold war
even when the cold war and cuban missile crisis ended and nobody won we STILL made ourselves look like idiots.
like, "hey the nukes are falling! quick get under your desks! theyre made of adamantium and they will protect you from the power of 1000 suns!"
REALLY?! when the bomb comes the desk will be gone. if i were alive back then id be dropping my pants, walking in a circle, quacking like a duck, and peeing on the floor. like if there really IS a bomb who the hell will care what the hell people did during their final moments?
"oh a ticket? my car was towed? im fired? its raining? [sirens start blaring] well fuck me...might as well screw my hot neighbor and cross breed an octupus with a naked porcupine."
i just find it hilarious that ben carson, a notable and brilliant african american man. is going to be in a room with a bunch of white ass [insert chosen slang here...maybe "blanco de perro"] with clan support connections alone. and nobody there knows what the hell they are supposed to be doing.
if they ever have an emergency hes going to be like, "hey why yall locking the doors to the room and lowering the shades?"
and theyll be like, "dont you worry. we have something important to discuss with you."
and ben will be like, "you all dont know what the hell we are even supposed to be doing here. do you?"
and the president will be like, "hey, relax. we have russia handling all the united states problems. with a name like russia they have to be faster at doing things that are important."
then for no reason the koolade man crashes through the wall and mayor cheeseburger gets shot.