ITS JOHN LENON THE MOVIE! (sort of)

Its john lenon!

announcer [deep herioc male voice]: ITS JOHN LENNON!

me [calmly]: im not john lennon.

announcer: hes totally john lenon!

me [getting frustrated]: im not john lenon.

announcer [energetic and annoying]: hes john lenon; look as he plays the bass guitar!

Me [annoyed]: imnot john l- wait what the [looking at the guitar in my hands] where di the guitar come from?!

Announcer:  hes john lenon and hes one of the beatles!

Me [pissed off}: listen you! Im not john lenon and im not a beat- [looks down and sees scarabs swarming all over my feet and the ground] YAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! SCARABS!! GWAAAAAHHHH! [begins to run back and forth while the scarabs crawl all over my body] CALL THE EXTERMINATOR! CALL BATMAN! CALL BILL COSBY! YAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Announcer [still calm and heroic]: hes john lenon!

Me [running back and forth half naked and covered in scarabs]: im! [runs off the left screen] not! [runs across the screen and off the right side] john [runs back across and off the left side of the screen] leno- AHHHHHHHHH! THEYRE EATING MY EYEBALLS!

Announcer [totally ignoring me in the background]: its john lenon! OOOOON FIRE!

Me [standing with no eyes and with my clothes gone]: wait did he say- [my body randomly ignites on fire] GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! FIRE BAD! FIRE BAD! [proceed to roll back and forth across the screen while on fire.] GWAAAAAHHHH! [rolls left] AAAAAAAUUUUUGH! [rolls right].

Announcer [spontaneous and erradic]: come meet john lenon today!

[I get up completely covered in burns but uninjured]

Me [tired and coughing smoke and ash]: well, at least its ove-

Announcer [interrupting me]: john lenon in a thong!

Me [standing in a thong still covered in ash]: whoo [shudders a little] actually I don’t mind this one [smiles slightly].

Announcer [happily eerie]: a thong! [pauses briefly while I bounce around a bit in the background.] made from high explosives!

Me [annoyed]: OH COME ON!

Announcer: uranium 230 ore!

[I stand there with the thong glowing for ten seconds with nothing happening.]

Me [relieved]: whew, I guess it’s a dud!

Announcer [like a movie trailer announcer]: MICHAEL BAY!!! [the thong randomly explodes and sends me flying off the screen screaming].

Me [after crash landing back on screen]: [weakly with little air] that didn’t even make sense.

Announcer [energetic and excited]: HES JOHN LENON!

Me [weakly]: im not john-

[the screen goes black and the credits roll.]

END!